What the F@&%?

So........Here I am in this tipsy-turvey photo. A thirty-something woman that wants to become a psychologist for a very obscure reason. Well, maybe not so obscure versus making a bad choice in my teens.

You see, I saw a man that was beyond sexy and HOT. I mean the screaming thigh sweats that were emanating from me were undeniable. I mean WOW. I saw him working on his car as I was driving by with my mom. My mouth dropped. He was perfect. Tall, Muscular. Nice hair (this was the 80's), so big hair. He permed it. LOL. Any whooooo.............We drove by, but I didn't live in that town and so I didn't see him again but thought about him often. Eventually, that faded with time. Should have stayed away from that town. Would have saved a lot of heartache and pain.

Fast forward about 2 years. A friend and I went drinking in his town. Someone bought me a drink but I had no idea who. My friend and I had a great time drinking and dancing. Still, I had no idea who bought the drink since no one approached me for most of the night. Little did I know he was watching me the entire night.

Guess who I woke up with the next morning? What a hoe I was.......BUT I didn't give 2 shits. He was so f-ing sexy that I just didn't care. Little did I know that he was a sexy breast but also a narcissistic pain in my ass for several years. We are talking over 30 YEARS!!!! I plead insanity, your honor. Plain and simple. The dumb little teenager that I was. Yes, when I was that age the drinking age in Wisconsin was 18. Party on Garth!

He was the whole reason I wanted to go back to school for my Ph.D. I wanted my doctorate and I wanted to help people just like him. He didn't want my help. Everything was my fault. Every time. That shit got OLD.

Dudes and Dudettes, you have NO idea what I had gone through for almost 30 years on and off with this man. Let's put it this way, HE is the entire reason I went to school for psychology, forensic psychology at that. For those who do not know what that is, is criminal psychology. Dealing with prison inmates, court processes, and recidivism. More on that to come.

Why is he so different and has no regard for anyone but himself? Why was he so different then other men and why were we so different from other couples? Was he dropped on his head as a child? Why was he a jerk, asshole, prick!? Also a few more choice words. So why did I stay? Was he my soulmate? Didn't think I could get a better-looking man? Who the freak knows. Again I plead insanity!

I needed answers.........The human brain is so complex and such a mystery. Interesting right? I think so. So off to school, I went for my B.S in psychology. Followed by my M.S in forensic psychology. I made it one semester into my Ph.D. and gave up on that dream. Wow. It was intense and I didn't have the time for that. So reluctantly, I dropped out of that program. It was too hard when I was working full-time with 50-60 hours a week. I figured I will go back when I win the lottery and don't have to work. LOL. Yeah right! It's been a few years and I still haven't won the lottery. Sad panda.

Follow me for more content on this very long-running relationship. :-) I aim to please.