what's with exclusivity?

June 9th, 2022

Ugh. Today I’m legitimately angry. I made the mistake of attending one of the worst events in the city I live in. The worst part about it is not necessarily the event itself, but rather the attendees. With their noses pointing to the sky, all dressed in black thinking they’re oh so cool. Claiming that they're artists and truly believing that their art is meaningful. Trying to impress me and everyone around them. Disguising their bragginess when confronted about it.

I have seen these people in many contexts, but this particular event sparked a doubt in me. Why do these people need to feel special? Like they’re better for attending an exclusive fest with a fancy name? And let me quickly point out that it is Pride month and the talk on inclusivity has been boiling within this crowd.

This crowd. They all think they’re someone. That they’re innovators, woke. Artists. But this city is too big for small artists. There’s too many of us and they all try so very hard to make it. Of course the scene is said to be prosperous for new talent, but the culture of underpayment and the cycle of mistreatment has become the norm, and accepted by the newcomers. I don’t know why this city is known for being a good place for young talent, when the truth is, I’ve never heard of any artist who’s actually made it in this city.

I’ve met people that have been living here, trying for over 15 years. And they still only book small gigs, and struggle to afford their expenses. I don’t mean to discourage you. Of course you should try to have a career in the arts, if that’s your passion. But let’s be honest, the struggle that comes with the lack of success and recognition in undiscovered artists is way more impactful than the joy of making art for a living. And as the years go by, this toll gets heavier.

I beg upcoming artists to have a backup plan. Don’t place all your bets in your art if you haven’t yet established yourself in the industry.

Usually, this is not the kind of people that bother me. How other people live and carry their lives is none of my business. And besides, I do come from a somewhat exclusive and conservative upper class, to which I never socially connected with due to being LGBT. I never had to try to fit in in that society. I was born and raised into it.

But today, with this self-inflating crowd, I don’t even want to try to fit in. I have the feeling they don’t truly know the meaning of special. They scream for attention in order to prove their individualism and genius, when in reality, they all look and act the same without even questioning why. So I asked myself why. Why would I wanna try to fit in here? When everyone’s trying so hard to stand out? Seeking attention with half open, dead-fish eyes.

I had been to this same event 3 years ago as a guest - I would never pay to attend this event. And I can’t deny it, I do remember having this awful impression after leaving that place. Funny thing is, there was one person at that event 3 years ago that interested me. I never gathered the strength to approach him that night. But destiny had it planned. We randomly met under different circumstances and we eventually started talking. Today, he sleeps next to me every night.

The memory of a horrible impression was slowly replaced throughout the years by the fact that that was the very first time I saw my boyfriend.

He was the one who invited me there today. After a couple of drinks and small talk with strangers, I tried to explain my discomfort in that crowd of self-proclaimed successful artists, but he didn’t understand. In fact, he said I had no idea what I was talking about. That I didn’t have to be there if I didn’t want to. And that I could leave at any moment. And so I did.

- Ms. Rodwell