What it is like having an alcoholic for a father

My dad is a man very hard to describe. In the early years I was sheltered from his destructive behavior. Dads house was a place of true adventure and great holidays. At the time he owned a thriving business because he had not yet become an alcoholic. He was a very rich man, we went on trips to Honduras, Mexico and Cancun. He would take us to sea world, and take us on boat trips for the whole weekend. He owned a wonderful cottage and we played outside all day becoming one with animals and the nature around us. We went to Disney land, and endless trips to there places. He truly left me with a wonderful childhood. He owned a multibillion dollar business and had lots of friends. But as he slipped into alcoholism he would soon loose everything.

It all started when dad met my step mother who loved to drink. Soon while we were over, they ignored us and drank diet coke and vodka late into the night. In the morning dad paid us to clean up their mess, which at 8 and 10 we thought was quite fun. Then dad started being more neglectful. When it was our weekend to see Dad. my step mother would prepare a great meal, but dad would be too busy partying and getting drunk at the legion to come home. I even got mad at my step mother as I did not know alcoholism was the issue. I said " we are here to see our dad not you" Even through tears and begging he refused to come home and we were in bed by the time he did. Then he started disappearing on his weekends with his kids which was only every other weekend and abandoned us with our new stepmom. She raised us and we really grew to love her. She was the mother we never had, I grew up with a mom that only knew how to scream and yell and cause great anxiety and fear in us. She took interest in us and truly loved us.

Things started getting worse and worse. Dad was a humiliating and old character when he was drunk in public. He was loud and said strange things and all I wanted to do was disappear. He would drink 2 or more bottles of wine while in a restaurant and humiliates his children and his wife. Once he put his fits on the table and screamed you only made it through university because I forced you to learn. But your damaged goods, there's no fixing you, your mother made you into damaged goods. The sever often had to come over and tell him to behave as he was in a restaurant. If such a man was in my establishment I would kick him out. I am now a nervous ball of nerves, I never feel safe. I ended up with chronic anxiety and depression, The most soul crushing thing my dad did to me in a restaurant. He caught me eating ice cream with my hands. Kids do playful things and we are not perfect. Plus because of my cerebral palsy I had a hard time eating food and I always had food on my fingers. My step mother and father devised an humiliating plan and laughed all the way to the restaurant. They took pleasure in what they were about to do. They ordered me ice-cream took away my spoon and said " now your going to eat this with your hands in front of all these people, my step mom and dad laughed in delight. People in the dinner were horrified and a man even came up gave me a spoon and said don't listen to them. But dad said we are not leaving until you finish your ice-cream with your hands. I cried and did it very showily. I started having anxiety attacks right after this experience and in my early teens had to be put on a sedative.

dad and stepmom would continue to drink all weekend ignoring we were there. It was not uncommon to see sad passed out on the floor or stairs; no to find my stepmom in the bathtub because she missed the toilet .

What is also very confusing to children while parents are drunk our there strange emotional state. I was used to it because my mom could only say she loved me when she was drunk and try to hug me over and over again. But my step mom would go on and on about how much she loved us and cry and be a complete mess. Till this day she only has an interest to call me if she's wasted. Other then that, she's too busy for me. What I am most ashamed us is my dad drove home drunk every time. He thought of no one but himself, he was truly selfish.

Then his drinking effected his work. He wasn't doing his job anymore, and acting more and more socially inappropriate with costumers, He would just drink all day and leave his affairs to people that would eventually steal from him. He lost his business, his beloved farm, his boat, and all his prized processions, I was glad it was his karma. I had learned he had used one of our grandparents to pay off the mortgage on his business. They were almost 90 and would never live to see their money back. I am so glad one of the sisters found out what was going on and took my father to court and he was told to pay all the money back. He also convinced them to take a loan out for their cottage so he could renovate it. Of course he never did. Then he convinced his then girlfriend to tale out a mortgage on her home so he could buy a boat and retire. He had no business asking for money he could never pay back. He used the people he loved to love a life style he could no longer afford. When his dirty secrets came out and he was going to lose everything he made it all about him. He scared us by saying " see these guns, my doctor says I have to lock them up because I am mentally ill." He said he had been diagnosed with " headaches" that were so painful he could take his life which lead him to make bad decisions. it was all manipulation and an excuse for his behavior. I have no respect for this man, He makes fun of me for being mentally ill, not having a job and living in housing. Yet I am more proud of myself then I will ever be of him, Despite my severe disability, severe abuse, I got 2 Bas degrees and a diploma. I tried to look for work for years never giving up. I am a person of good character, because I promised myself I would never be my father.

near the end of his alcoholism he was a pathetic man. He hung out with losers that only wanted to be there because of the endless free supply of beer. He started abusing pain bills, joints, mushrooms and mixing it with alcohol. As I go through several life and death health problems do to my cerebral palsy he was never there. He made me a self-hating anxious and depressed child yet makes fun of me for being mentally ill. I thought he was going to die, because he had recently fallen of his boat and almost broke his neck. He decided to get sober two years ago at 60 years old. I don't see the point his life is over and the damage is done. He has never made amends for his actions and I have never heard a story. And whenever we talk its all about him and his headaches. He was truly another narcissistic parent in my life. He said all we were to him was money. I can honestly say I don't know who my father is and what I do know is scary. As a young child its so funny I looked up to him so much never knowing who he would truely become and how much it would destroy me.