Vocal Hides My Secrets

I find it kind of funny. It seems a bit contradictory. I'm here, writing on Vocal, hiding behind a pen name. I don't know how many of my subscribers even know my real name. One thing my readers DO know is the real, authentic, raw, and emotional me.

The scary thing is, in my few months here, I haven't even begun to scratch the surface. I've merely dipped a toe in the waters. I'm beyond wary of sharing my deepest and darkest secrets. In the wrong hands, the feelings that grip my heart, and the thoughts that swirl through my mind, have the potential of doing great harm.

'Words, once spoken, can never be taken back.' I know this to be true. I've suffered irreparable damage myself and the last thing I want to do is inflict harm on anyone else, even if I don't like them. Then there are those who are privy to some of my dark secrets and have been bold enough to tell me that I should keep them to myself.

Some battles are simply not worth the fight, but my soul still needs to be cleansed. In just a few short months I have come to feel that I can safely uncover the dark and the ugly and it will be received with empathy and compassion, understanding even. Vocal has become my safe harbor in the storm that often boils within me.

I want to thank my fellow creators for all of the love, support, and encouragement that you show, not just to me, but to so many others on a daily basis. I hope you realize how much it means. I have had decades of therapy that didn't do as much good for me as your words have in this short time.

In my day-to-day life, people look at me and see a strong, resilient, capable, loyal, and trustworthy woman. Even when I attempt to share my vulnerabilities, my fears, and weaknesses, they are simply glossed over or worse ignored. I am the woman that has handled anything life has thrown at me, so I must be able to shoulder it all and more. My friends and family don't want to see my pain, they just want me to carry theirs like I always have.

I don't think they can even begin to fathom my truth. I know that when I recount tales of my past, they find it hard to believe that I was ever 'A Carnival Stowaway'. Even those who knew me when I lived that story, don't know what it was really like.

Although it was published as fiction, to be eligible for a Summer Fiction Series challenge, 'A Little Taste of Heaven' was my childhood. Writing 'Your Shattered Heart' helped free me from a lifetime of pain.

This is certainly not what I expected when I joined Vocal in May. Now that I have discovered this safe haven, I'm sure that I'll be revealing more of my secrets over time. It's certainly cheaper and more convenient than therapy! Who knows, maybe I'll even end up making a few dollars, or eventually, get brave enough to put the pieces of the puzzle together and publish that book people have been asking me for!

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