Unsent Flowers

Dinner was over, kids were finally in bed, hopefully to stay for the night, and all I wanted to do was fall into my own bed. Unfortunately, the messy counters and table and the sink filled with dirty dishes were calling my name. I sighed debating just ignoring the mess and going to bed, but knew I’d hate waking up to the disaster more in the morning.

Tackling the mess my mind drifted to the show playing on the television trying to guess how the crazy predicament the main star had found himself in would be resolved by the end. I’d cleared and wiped the counters and began on the dishes fully invested in the tv show now.

“You should send Joan flowers,” the thought had come out of nowhere. “What,” I questioned myself and pushed the thought aside, focusing on the dishes and tv show again ignoring the out of the blue thought.

Dishes finally done, I sat down next to my husband on the couch to see if any of my predictions were correct. I yawned and despite my desire to hear the end of the show I began to nod off now that I was sitting and relaxed. My husband gently nudged me saying, “better head to bed before you fall asleep on the couch.” I slowly pulled myself upward knowing my neck would hate me if I fell asleep there.

Brushing my teeth once again the thought came out of nowhere, “Send Joan flowers”. I stared at myself in the mirror confused at the crazy thought that had sprung itself on me now twice. “Why would I do that, I don’t really know Joan,” I told myself. “Who cares, it’s only some flowers just send them,” the thought came right back. The argument continued on inside my head till sleep finally took over.

The next day I began my normal busy routine, feeding and clothing kids, running the oldest to and from school, getting groceries, entertaining the little ones, cleaning up what I could here and there, making food, changing diapers and trying not to go insane. The whole time the thought that I should send Joan flowers swam in and out of my mind. It seemed such an odd thing to occupy my brain, I could not figure out why it was there at all. Everytime it forced it’s way in I found a way to push it right back out. “I don’t really know Joan well enough, you only send flowers on special occasions, maybe I should send them on her birthday whenever that is, why should I send her flowers, what kind would I even send, what if she hates flowers. She’s the wife of your husband’s boss, won't that be weird!” I had plenty of excuses and reasons for not doing a simple little thing that would likely just put a smile on her face.

A week went by with that silly thought to send Joan flowers creeping in and out as I went about my daily business. Each time it arrived I would find some excuse to ignore it and move on with my day. Each excuse I came up with would be beat back down. “How would I even send her flowers? I don't know her address. Sure you do remember the email you got after the move to this military post, it had all the spouses phone numbers and addresses in it including hers. Oh fine, what would I even say on the card? Just tell her she is cared and thought about. Isn’t that going to be weird coming from someone she probably doesn’t even know exists? Who cares if she thinks it’s weird, do it anyway. Do I sign my name on the card or have it come anonymously? It doesn’t matter just do it!”

After two weeks of fighting myself I finally opened up the computer late one night and looked up flower delivery places. “You can just order them now and they will get to her tomorrow you know,” my inner monologue told me. I started to look through all of the possibilities, picking one I liked then changing to another and in the end giving up because panicking me worried over which was right or if she might have an extreme dislike or even an allergy to a certain flower.

A month went by and the nagging in my mind over flowers had stopped. Well, on occasion I would recall it but more in remembrance that it had been a thing than the attempts to have me do it.

The spouse's monthly get-together was coming up and I was excited to go enjoy a nice lunch, some fun activities and conversation with other adults. I arrived at the location happy to have a break from the kids and have a yummy lunch provided for me, a rare thing even for these events. I enjoyed the meal and the company and sat back to listen to the news and announcements.

Joan got up in front of everyone, which was nothing new as spouse of the colonel she was the obvious choice to lead the spouses. As she began to speak the thought of unsent flowers started to make its way in, but I shoved it aside and listened. She gave a few dates for us to mark down, spoke of upcoming trainings or deployments for the soldiers then paused taking a few breaths. Shakily she went on, “I want to share something with you all that is difficult for me.” She stopped gathering strength then continued. “About a month ago I learned that I have cancer.” Trembling slightly she pressed on words about needing to step back and focus on her treatments and so and so was going to take over.

I didn’t hear much after her proclamation of learning she had cancer a month ago. A month ago I could not stop thinking about sending her flowers, a month ago I was supposed to let her know she was thought of and cared about, a month ago all I could do was think of reasons why I shouldn’t send her so simple a gift, a month ago I thought she would just think me crazy for sending flowers for no good reason, a month ago she got news that would change and possibly take her life!

I sat dumbfounded, wishing I could go back in time and send her those flowers. Would they have changed her diagnosis, no not at all, but they might have made a difficult time a little easier. They might have given her something to smile about and think about other than cancer. They would have let her know others out there cared about her and thought about her.

At that moment I vowed to never ignore thoughts to do something for another even when it seemed silly or weird. You never know what someone is going through and what might make their day a little better even if it seems odd to you.