Trust But Verify!!

This is my warning to all the women in the world who are dating losers. Ask yourself a question: How would you feel if your daughter was dating this man? I'm there now! December 26th 2013 I married my husband and became a step-mother to his beautiful daughter. I have never had any children with my husband but my step-daughter is the center of my world. All I can think about is how I can protect her and teach her everything she needs to know. She doesn't like me sometimes because I'm much stricter on her then her father is. I am the enemy right now but I am okay with that. The day is coming when she will understand me.

The older my step-daughter get's the more afraid I am. I have been through some things and I don't want her to go through the same. Here is the story I will tell my step-daughter when she starts dating:

I was 17-years-old and suffering from mental health issues. My cousin, who was concerned about me started taking me to church. It was a Pentacostal church with a relaxed dress code, but strict teachings about lifestyle. You were strongly discouraged to drink, have premarital sex or use bad language if you went to this church. While I was there I met a 20-something-year old Latino man and started dating him. I thought that he was it. I wanted to marry him. This man did not share my feelings. He claimed he cared about me, but he refused to acknowledge to other people that he was even dating me. "Stephanie is my friend." He blamed all of his problems on his narcissist mother and white-on-minority racism. "Systemic racism is the reason why I struggle to get jobs." I told him about McDonalds and all the black people and Latinos who are managers there. "I have a a degree in computers. I'm too good to work there." He would go on to tell me stories about how horrible white people and women were to him and he knew that I was white and a woman. I loved him to the moon and back but all he did was make me feel like garbage.

One day my brother dropped me off at his house so I could visit with him. He then pounced on me and started kissing me. Then he tried to get my pants down. I was annoyed. "You have your Myspace account set to "Single". You tell my friends you aren't even dating me. We're not having sex. I'm Pentacostal and you're not supposed to do that until you are married." He looked at me and laughed. "I'm a private person. I don't tell people who I am involved with because it's none of their business.How do you know that we're not already married? Your understanding of the bible is flawed. Adam and Eve didn't walk down the isle. All they had was promise and they were considered married in the eyes of the Lord. King Solomon had concubines. Concubines are not the same as a wife. Did all of his concubines go to hell? And what about the slaves and the Native Americans that the white people raped? Western Christianity enslaved black people and killed the Native Americans and now they have the nerve to tell me when to have sex? You should become a Budhist." He kissed me again and then started touching my chest.

I finally asked him."Do you even have a condom?" He laughed and said. "No. I can't wear them. I'm allergic to latex." I pushed him back. "Take me to CVS and we'll get latex free condoms." "I can't wear them either. I'm too big. Don't worry. I'll pull out." I rolled out from underneath him. "No. I love you, but no." He looked sad. "You hurt me when you reject me." "I'm not rejecting you. I'm still in high school, I have psych issues, I don't have a job yet and I'm struggling to get my driver's license. I don't want to get pregnant right now! "I won't get you pregnant. I've pulled out of every woman I have ever been with and I have never gotten anyone pregnant."

"You could be sick and not know it. I don't need that right now."

Shortly after that discussion I called my brother to come and get me. I did not dare tell my brother what happened because he would have killed him. He looked sad when I left.

After this incident with him I noticed that he was getting sick a lot. His brothers who lived with him were very concerned about him because he would come home from work, lock hisself in his room and not come out. When he didn't work he would not come out of his room for days. He started neglecting hygiene, was rapidly losing weight and would tell me that he couldn't sleep. I was worried about him so I took it to church. I went to my church and I asked the congregation to pray for my boyfriend.

After the church service, one of the church elders pulled me off to the side with a very concerned look. "You need to get away from that man!" She had tears in her eyes when she said this. "Why? I love him and want to marry him." She put her hands on my shoulders. "We let him go to church here because we are praying that the holy spirit will fix him. He not a Christian. He is a "Unitist". He believes in all the religions at the same time and excepts only the teachings that let him do what he wants. He hit (asked out) on my daughter when she was 14 and he was in his 20s. We also suspect that he is on drugs. Have you ever notice that he wears sunglasses all the time?"

"Yes. He wears sunglasses because he's sensitive to light. Why?"

"Get away from him. I'm telling you he's on drugs."

She walked away from me and I was stunned. I didn't want to believe it and I was angry. The next time I visited my boyfriend there was a girl sitting on the end of his bed. She was Mexican and about 16-years-old. He looked at her and with a stern voice said. "You need to leave now!" She got up with tears in her eyes and stormed out of his house. I asked him. "Who was that? Is she one of your sisters?" "No. She's a girl that won't go away. She's crazy and she always comes over here and won't leave! And to boot she's pregnant and she says that it's mine." Every hair on the back of my head stood up. "Relax. I didn't sleep with her."

"Then how can she be pregnant with your child if you never slept with her?"

"Like I said. She's crazy. Anyway, I'm hungry. Would like to split a "Little Caesar's" pizza with me?" I quietly nodded in the affirmative and he grabbed his coat and left. I waited for his truck to leave the driveway and I started devising a plan. "If he's on drugs I need to find out now. The sooner I find out the sooner I can get him some help. And if he's using needles I definately need to find out. He won't wear a condom and I could catch AIDS from him if we sleep together." I quietly went into his room and looked under the bed. I saw clothes and shoes. Nothing smelled out of the ordinary, no bongs or needles. Then I opened up his drawer. I found female see-through underwear that was not mine but no drugs or needles. Then I opened his closet. There was clothes, shoes and empty video game console and computer boxes, but no drugs or needles. Then I opened up his medicine cabinet and looked. There was Anti-biotics, allergy medicine and other over-the-counter medicines but no illegal drugs. I heard his truck pull up into the driveway. I shut his medicine cabinet, put his room back together as fast as I could and sat down on the end of his bed. When he stepped into the door with a pizza I gave him a big wet kiss. We ate the pizza and then took a shower together. He did not try to have sex with me but he washed my back.

I never returned to that church again after that. I was angry that they had suggested my boyfriend was on drugs. Then, a year later, when I thought it was safe I sat my boyfriend down and told him what happened. I wanted to make sure he knew everything because I believe in honesty. When I told him he turned five shades of pale and then told me to leave his house. After that happened he ghosted me. He changed his phone number, moved away and stopped talking to me on the internet.

My brother was killed in a wreck. My friend, who was worried about me, contacted my ex-boyfriend and told him what happened. He showed up at my brother's funeral with tears in his eyes and gave me a hug. Then I looked at him and said. "If I have ever done anything wrong in my life I am paying for it. God is punishing me. You can gloat now..." He shook his head and hugged me again. When I left the room he went and stood next to my friend who had brought him here. My male cousin, Trey, the famale cousin who took me to church and another female cousin were standing close to him. He looked at my friend. "Stephanie's brother was a weirdo." My cousin Trey lunged forward ready to kick his ass and my other 2 cousins held him back. They did not tell me until 5 years later that he said this about my brother at his funeral. They didn't have the heart.

After my brother passed away my parents got a divorce. I became severely depressed and my psych issues got worse. I became conviced that God hated me and that he was never going to stop punishing me. I didn't know if he was punishing me for leaving the church or if he was punishing me for what I did to my boyfriend or if he was punishing me for for showering with him but I was convinced that I was being punished. Then I got it in my head. "If I could just get my boyfriend to forgive me and marry me I could build a new family." So I started trying to communicate with him on the internet again. I messaged him everyday for months and he finally responded. "I'm in town. Meet me at hotel XYZ at room ZYX." I went to his hotel and he pounced on me. I ended up sleeping with him. Then he fell off the face of the earth again. He did this to me several times until I finally gave up on him. When I gave up on this man, then God sent me a husband. God also revealed to me through prayer that what happened to my brother and my parents marriage was not in any way my fault. "If I was going to punish you like that for having premarital sex or not going back to church, then a lot more people would be dead."

My husband is white and Korean. He does not pressure me to have sex. He does not cheat on me. He married me at the court house and he has his profile on Facebook set to "Married." He has a daughter who is mixed. He does not raise her to hold a grudge against white people. He does not blame me for what white people and women have done to him. He does not argue with me when I express to him that I don't feel comfortable doing something for religious reasons. My husband and I have marital problems sometimes, but he has never disrespected me the way that my ex did.

My step-daughter, who I love more then life itself is getting older by the day. It's only a matter of time before she starts dating. I now have a shovel in my garage reserved for the day that my stepchild brings a man like my ex-boyfriend home. If he ever disrespects her the way my ex-boyfriend did me... that shovel will dig his grave!!