True story- the time I dumpster dived Krispy Kreme

One time in school, a friend of mine was bored and didn't want to study anymore. We were both post grad and working on some projects so studying was more like a daily grind for both of us. Anyways, it was late at night and she propositioned me with a risky idea: dumpster diving.

Back in the day, or 2 years ago when she was a senior in college, she would always go dumpster diving with her friend at a Krispy Kreme on mondays. Mondays, because that's when they threw away dozen of fresh donuts (it was a different world before COVID). Her friend, the master, knew everything about the schedule, the people, the habits, the CEO of Dunkin. Everything. And my friend, the pupil, learned. Together on their weekly escapades, they missioned impossible their way to some kinda stale leftover assorted donuts. They cried, the laughed, the bonded and they sought glory. And, ever since, my friend always sought those college glory days in post grad dreary.

So, it was a miserable monday and I was feeling risque. My friend's monologue sounded like a well timed pitch. A perfect pitch too. She sang with great enthusiasm. So, true to her legacy, that night she made me her pupil.

Unfortunately, master of the dive she was not. She told me to dress up in all black. I looked like an uncaffinated ninja when I went to the venue. She told me to wear sneakers for a quick get away. I looked like I was an uncaffinated ninja with a weird midnight exercise regimen. And she also told me to come at midnight, so I guess that was ninja like.

She met me, hiding behind a bush. My ninja get up did not hide my non-ninja soul. I nearly yelped, but she pushed me in. While hiding to the side of the Krispy Kreme at midnight in some vague bush like shadows, we came up with the plan. The plan, like it had been unchanged from years before, was to wait till 1 when the last of the employees left and nab our beautifully laid out stale donut boxes. She was the expert and I was the follower. I dare not challenge my leader.

So we waited until 1. The employees never left. Till 1:15, the employees were...getting ready? 1:30 the employees were....starting the roll out some dough. 1:45 they were already making their donuts. 2:00 AM, the Krispy Kreme was as well it was the northern lights. In my bloodshot eyes, it was as beautiful as it was annoying. It was clear. The Krispy Kreme had a different schedule than 2 years ago. It seemed like they had used Mondays to prep the dough for the rest of the week.

But my master and friend was determined to have the full experience and there was still trash to sort through.

There was the dumpster that she dived in eye shot from us and right where the employees could see. It was the creme de la creme of yesteryears donut holes. She motioned for me to be look out and dashed to the dumpster when the employees went back. I followed her shortly afterwards only to swivel my head and lock eyes with a 2:30 am pedestrian who saw my donut ninja athleisure and quickly looked away like I had successfully lived up to my sneaky ninja legacy. Undeterred, I gently galloped softly towards my friend only to see her angered face.

It turns out that Krispy Kreme had learned. The coveted dumpster had a lock on it. Divers beware, no stale treasure to be found here. I noticed another dumpster around the corner and just was we were about the dash for it, the loading truck showed up.

We were trapped in a making of our own hubris. The employees went out and the truck driver went to stretch his legs in the lot. We were just two post grad students in need of donuts. It was tense, to say the least. But then, one of the machines broke inside and everyone went to attend. It was in the back of the store! Our lucky break! We quickly ran to the other dumpster that was fully open and grabbed as many bags as we could. We didn't want to check the spoils of war while we won the battle! We hurried to our cars and agreed to meet safe at my aparment lot.

4:00 AM. I was tired, donut craved and dressed in all black, like a regal pirate. I had battled my navy and took my treasure horde. My friend and I stared down at the white, luscious plastic bags. We were ready for some donuts. So, just in time for breakfast, we opened up the bags and found....

Tissue paper. And toilet paper and... the spoils of war really were just spoiled soils. I looked at my friend and she looked at me and she told me never to tell anyone about this trip. So I decided to publish this on the internet.