The water to relationships

The water to relationships: communication and trust, but most of all forgiveness, for you and your partner. In the beginning, it is so easy. You are high on love, and can’t think of anything else but being with your partner. Everything is new and exciting and brings out your ability to dream big. Anything feels possible and you can’t wait for the rest of your life to begin.

Years pass and people change that's life.

In the beginning, it is store-bought flowers and cute teddy bears. In the middle, it is a little of both, and as the year's pass, this changes, but into something more beautiful.

As time moves on it is the seeds that matter. Life moves quickly and is constantly changing: that is a guarantee. After years together it won’t feel the same as it once did: it will feel better. You will have walked many roads, climbed many mountains, and experienced much joy. In a marriage or long-term relationship, you will be many versions of yourself, and in that there is beauty. A garden is meant to be planted and tended to. A garden has the ability to be changed, replanted, and grow into something hearty with deep roots, and a plentiful harvest. A garden gives you the opportuntiy to start fresh, and try again when a years harvest didn't bloom to success. Sometimes both of you can’t be the water. There will be times one of you needs to be the plants, and you have to let the other one take over as the water. Sometimes a garden will experience a long, and cold winter, but when the roots run deep even the coldest temperatures can’t break the coming fruit.

I started as a crush, then moved to a girlfriend, a fiancé, and then a wife.

I have made mistakes in every place, had my husband and I not held onto forgiveness we likely wouldn’t be where we are today. Our marriage is rooted in communication, trust, and most of all: forgiveness. This forgiveness is not always for the other person though. Sometimes the forgiveness has to be for yourself.

I forgive myself for the times I have misinterpreted a situation.

I forgive myself for the times I have fallen short and spoke words I did not mean.

I forgive myself for the mistakes I have made along the way.

We owe ourselves forgiveness as much as we owe our spouses. There is no perfect love or perfect relationship because humans are incapable of never making a mistake. I accept that and own up to it for myself. I know I fall short, I know how it feels to have your flaws hanging out for your spouse to see: it's not always comfortable. But when we start our garden with someone, we are signing up for the entire process. With a planted seed comes weeds, but also comes hearty plants with strong roots.

We must first turn inward, before speaking outward. What about an uncomfortable situation makes you feel triggered? If we understand ourselves as individuals first, we can better understand ourselves within a relationship. I bring baggage, and so do you. You just have to figure out how to unpack it. Some stuff might stay in your suitcase for years because sometimes the things we carry around are ugly to look at. Unzipping the zipper and really digging into the contents can be exhausting, yet a necessary process. Let us remember that unpacking your bag will sometimes take years, and patience and compassion must remain companions on this journey.

Real relationships are not like the movies: they are better.

The store-bought flowers are wonderful, but what about homegrown flowers that last all season? A relationship is building a homegrown life. It is committing to the real and the raw. It is accepting each other for all that you are, and all that you are not. I won’t always make the mark, because sometimes life hands us a difficult round. Sometimes we get a fastball when we were expecting a slow pitch: if you miss, try again.

When you start your long-term relationship you are committing to something beautiful. Not every day will be wonderful, nor will every season, but we must remember there is also beauty in the darkness. We will come out of it with an heirloom garden: the seeds will be worth something because they have developed over several years. They have gone through trial and error, leaving you with something that will last a lifetime. It is then that you can pass those seeds onto the next generation. As humans our lives are one big learning curve: mistakes and all, our lives intertwine into one big book of history. The lessons we learn will one day be shared by our elder selves to the young souls who have yet to find their true meaning.

Now, go water your garden.