The past doesn't define you.

To be very honest been out-of-space, or plainly lost hurts more than the mouth can tell. But the good thing is; we can acknowledge we're lost, Only if we're willing to be found.

It is natural to be lost or be, and feel out-of-space in certain situations and at different times in our lives. For a lot of people, it tends to live with them for a longer period of their lives while some it stays just for the moment. But then i will say it also and majorly depends on the scene, scenario, or situation of the moment. I have been lost or i think i should use the word misplaced at a particular point in time of my life. It was so painful, I really couldn't see well because it felt as if my sights were on break.

Here is how and what happened, I left high school in the year 2010. After high school, due to the financial crisis in my home, I had to do some menial jobs so i could make ends meet, I applied to start washing cars, after which i proceeded to buying and selling of books of all genres, while i was doing this i was reading and planning to write my entrance examination to the university, I leave work by 4 PM in the day and leave for my tutor's office. That had always been the routine each day.

My exams were approaching when i was sick and i had to be admitted to the hospital. I was there till my exam, and i can remember i had to leave for my exam hall from the hospital where i was admitted. I wrote the exams and didn't pass because i didn't get up to the required grade i must have to gain admission to my choice of university. I felt so sad and displaced because my friends and high schoolmates had already commenced their university education. In the course of waiting to apply for another exam, my mom was diagnosed with cancer, cancer of the breast to be precise, my dad was working hard to fend for the family, at the time he was working out of my state, so he comes home by the end of each month. I happen to be the one to stay with my mom and siblings.

A lot happened along the line and i was unable to get through to the university again. A few years later that was around 2015, five years after i left high school, my high school mates sent messages for a reunion of our graduating sets. I was so happy i am going to be seeing my old friends again, but little did i know that i was going into the very first down moment of my life outside what had been happening to me and my family. As the day of the reunion drew close i had carefully ironed the clothe i wanted to wear for the day. As i tagged the clothe "Christmas clothe" I put it on most times during Christmas because it was very special and dear to me.

Fast-forward to the D-day of the reunion, I was surprised at what i saw, my friends were changed! They looked as if they added few inches to their foot. I walked up to greet them when the most shocking moment happened, they looked at me lowly and stylishly ignored my handshakes. They already had formed a caucus. I was forced to go sit with a stranger who knew me but i didn't know when we were in school. We coincidentally happen to sit at the same round-table, I should have changed my sit i keep telling myself after i was lost in the midst. They were discussing their school life, different courses, and the exposures that had already experienced, and there i was just looking at their mouths with nothing to say or contribute. They talk about the different courses in the university and there i am filled with my high school subjects in my head. I have never been so lost and out of space in my life.

But then just like i wrote above, we can acknowledge we are lost, Only if we're willing to be found. I turned around the feeling, shame, and hurt into my motivation. Here i am today fulfilled, and writing confidently about my past experience.

Never allow the past to define your future.