The inner thoughts of a married man: No matter how much my wife gives, I won't be grateful, the reason is very practical.

01

I know saying this will make many people feel uncomfortable. AC

But this is a very genuine feeling that I, as a husband, have kept deep in my heart for a long time.

My wife has really done a lot for this family.

Every day, I get up early to cook, go to work during the day, and in the evening, I still have to take care of the children and do the housework. I hardly have any time for myself.

Logically speaking, I should be grateful to her, spoil her and take good care of her.

But I'll say something I shouldn't - deep down, I'm not grateful to her.

It's not that I'm heartless or that I think she hasn't done enough. It's just that she always expresses her efforts in a way that makes me uncomfortable.

Every word she said seemed to be a reminder to me of how much she had suffered and how useless I was.

While serving me the meal, she said, "You're quite eager to eat, aren't you? How many household chores have you ever taken care of?"

She has complained not once or twice, and her tone is always sharp.

After a long time, I even began to not want to talk to her. It's not because I don't care about her, but I'm too afraid that as soon as I open my mouth, I'll be snapped back at again.

I know this may sound a bit "sentimental", but perhaps many men are like me. It's not that we don't want to go home, but that we don't want to return to a place where we are always being criticized.

02

To be honest, I have never denied my wife's ability. She is the kind of woman who worries about everything. From the family's finances to where to put the spice bottles, everything is in her mind.

The problem is that she never holds back her words.

One morning, I slept five minutes longer than her.

While frying eggs, she shouted at me, "Can't you be a father at all? Can't you hear the child crying like that? Are your ears just for show?"

I was speechless.

At the weekend, I wanted to show off a bit and took the initiative to take the child to the park. When I came back, I was rather proud and said, "He had a great time today."

She gave me a disdainful look and said, "You finally remember you have a son? I almost thought you were on a business trip for a month without saying anything."

Even if I try to do something, she can always find fault with it and scold me.

At first, I would explain and argue. Later, I learned to keep silent. And then, I simply did nothing at all to avoid being scolded again.

She did do a lot, but the words she said really made my heart grow colder day by day.

She would say, "Why are you so lazy?"

She would say, "You can't even cook a simple dish. What else can you do well?"

She would also say, "If you were truly sincere, you wouldn't wait for me to say it."

I understand that she might have been too tired or too anxious, but every word she said seemed like a verdict against me.

Sometimes I also think - if she would just change her words once in a while and say something like, "Honey, could you help me out? I'm really exhausted," I might jump to do it.

But she always had a look of disdain: "What good are you?"

It's not that she doesn't love me; it's just that she can't express herself properly.

03

I have never felt that I am a man without a conscience.

There are things at home and I'm doing them. I'm not indifferent to the children either.

However, when I was doing it, she never said a nice word. Instead, it made me feel that no matter what I did, it was wrong.

One time, I got off work early and wanted to give her a surprise, so I specially went to buy her favorite crayfish.

As soon as she saw it, she started to get angry: "Are you running out of money to buy this now?"

I was standing at the door at that time, carrying a packing box in my hand, not even wanting to enter the door.

It's not that I don't understand her hardship, but I'm too familiar with this pattern - as soon as I get close, she becomes prickly. As soon as I opened my mouth, she found fault.

Sometimes, I even began to be afraid of her mood, fearing that she would suddenly have a cold face, suddenly sigh, or suddenly say something that made me feel "I'm worthless".

It's not that I don't work hard; it's just that I've lost my motivation due to this kind of "discouraging communication".

Once, she said, "Why don't you look like a man at all?" That sentence, I pretended to be fine on the surface, but in fact, it hurt me for a long time in my heart.

Do you know? Men are human beings too. I also long for a compliment, an understanding, or even just a simple "Thank you".

But what I often hear is, "Have you finally remembered that you are your husband?" "Did you do such a small thing just to move me?"

Over time, the heart turns cold.

It's not that I don't love, but that loving is too exhausting. I'm afraid that if I get close again, I'll be pushed one step further away.

I'm not cold-blooded. I just learned to protect myself after being repeatedly denied.

04

In fact, our problem is not love at all.

She is still running around for this family, and I am still shouldering my responsibilities.

However, we are all loving each other in the wrong way.

She proved her love through hard work, but expressed her grievance through meanness.

I protected myself with silence, but as a result, I grew increasingly distant from her.

Ultimately, we have all overlooked a very small but very important thing - the way of speaking.

It's not that she's wrong or I'm not good enough. It's just that the language between us has become like a saw - expressing our feelings while consuming each other.

She said, "I don't want to interfere, but if I don't say anything, the family will be ruined."

I wanted to say, "Just speak up. Could you please not trample me under your feet?"

She felt she was shouldering the burden of the family, but I felt I was being "suppressed" by her.

I thought I was giving in, but she felt that I was getting colder and colder.

In the end, it's not that I don't love you anymore; it's just that I'm too tired.

I once heard a saying: "Home is a place for expressing love, not for reasoning." This sentence sounds like inspirational quotes, but it really makes sense.

When it comes to emotions, we are not afraid of quarrels or problems, but we are afraid of words that are too hurtful.

05

I know that my wife is not a bad person.

She was just too tired. She had been wronged in her heart for too long and no one could comfort her. So she could only shift all her emotions onto me, the person closest to her.

But I'm human too. I have emotions too. I also want to be seen and recognized.

I carry the pressure to earn money. When I get home, all I want is a hot meal and a kind word.

But often, without saying a word, she would first give me a look or a sarcastic remark, and my heart would immediately turn cold.

Neither of us is the enemy of each other. But if one keeps communicating with "blame" all the time, even the deepest feelings will be exhausted.

In fact, sometimes just changing one sentence can lead to completely different results.

For example:

Can't you be more proactive? "Husband, come and help me. I can't hold on any longer on my own."

You can't even do such a thing well! Change it to - "I know you're working hard. Let's do it well together next time."

Just these few simple words might completely transform our relationship.

No matter how hard life is, as long as a couple can communicate well, there will always be a way forward.

06

After hearing my friend's words, I was deeply moved.

I have heard the voices of many men in marriage and also those of many women.

I find that many times, it's neither that the husband has no conscience nor that the wife is too domineering.

It's just that in marriage, we all tend to forget too easily that speaking nicely is the simplest form of love and also the most effortless form of romance.

In fact, communication is a matter for two people.

If the wife could put it in another way;

Or my husband might remind me a little: "If you could be a little more gentle, I would be more willing to change."

Perhaps, you will find that he has changed too, you are not so tired anymore, and home is more like home.