The Downfall of My Dating Life

My dating career started years ago, I mean I was a 6 year old with a boyfriend. I had my first kiss at what 6, you'd think I'd be better at this dating thing, if I could kiss a boy at 6.

Well if you can believe it, I.am.terrible at dating, to say the least.

I haven't gone out on a date in... way too long... to the point I don't even know how long it's been.

I've gone to guys houses but that's far from a date.

The last date wasn't even anything to write home to, I mean its getting drinks with some stranger off a dating app and then crossing your fingers to never see them again. (Sorry to anyone I've gone out with in advance)

So here I am, going on the same silly dating apps that have lead me to, absolutely nothing.

It's the same story... I match.. I make my pickup line, "I have to complain to Spotify for you not being the hottest single this week." I mean can it get more basic.

After the pickup line it's the same. "haha good one".

What the fuck am I suppose to say to that. I mean come on give me something to work with here. I just put my life on the line with that pick up line the least you can do is have a good line back.

I think the worst part is. I. Made. The. First. Move. and then they say... "well now what"..

Excuse me!! You complain about how woman never make the first move and you have to do everything... yet even when I do make the first move... I. Do. Not. Want. To. Talk. To. A. Brick. WALL.

I mean come on, this is still a two way street.

Don't get me wrong when I was in high school, I was probably that. I was so out of the loop. I could reel guys in with me being me but the flirting has never been the strongest thing. Although when I don't try to flirt I seem to do it really well.

Anyway, once I was out of high school and out of the tiny town.. where everyone knew me. Things changed.. well for a bit. I had new people on dating apps to meet and I was living the single life in the city.

So of course, my first night in my first apartment, I went on my first city date. I was excited and ready to cancel to say the least. I really looked at the pictures and well wanted to cancel.. he hadn't messaged me so.. I was really hoping he was gonna ghost me and my hands would be clean.

Well, he didn't ghost me.. He said he'd pick me up..and said we can go to boston pizza, but not the one downtown, cause it's too busy. So we will go to one farther away..

So he picks me up.. He looked nothing like his photos..(not my type)

Also what he was wearing... was almost what I was gonna wear... SO good thing I changed my mind.

We drive to boston pizza... As a vegan(which he knew) I was just so excited to get a leaf of lettuce.

So, I get in his car... No one knows I'm doing this so I was asking to be murdered.

Anywho, his music is on shuffle and what does the fox say plays.. he quickly looks at me and says his iTunes has been acting up he doesn't listen to this stuff. First of all... no one uses iTunes anymore... It's now apple music. But anyway I let it slide.

We get to boston pizza, we sit we order... I get my salad and he gets a personal sized pizza with pineapple and cheese nothing else.. He didn't want to get meat because of me.. Well you still got cheese there bud.

Anyway, we get our food we eat.. He doesn't finish his FOUR PIECE pizza. Which is just a red flag.. I could eat a medium pizza in one sitting alone easy. That's besides the point.

We get back in the car.. I'm thinking this man has got to be like I'll take you home I mean.. we are not clicking it's just not a good time.

He says... Let's go to the mall. I mean over tinder we clicked about the fact we both like shopping. So we drive over... Just to walk circles around the mall... Then he says "there's a movie theatre here, we could see a movie". Of course I said yes I love movies and a free movie is well... A free movie.

So we walk to the theatre and we look at the options we pick one and I'm ready until as he's paying and I see the time.. It didn't start for an hour and a half.

So I am just irritated.. We go to the food court and sit talking about tv shows and such and then we get kicked out by security because the mall is closing. We get to the movies and watch in the worst seats but it is what it is. I lean away the whole movie.. I am not interested.

The movie ends, we are out of there.. He doesn't remember where he parked.. I have never been to this mall so I do not know where I am going. we step outside and start walking..

I see his car. He says "we have to walk around the whole building"

No.. is my response.. I say i'm jumping the fences.. I jump three fences like nothing.. I thought he was going to snap but anyway.. we make it.

This guy takes me home and I hoped out of that car so fast and never to be seen again.

So lets say my first city date was not it and it has not gotten better since then...

So until the next date... Hopefully it's better.

Be sure to keep an eye out for a sequel from me called the "The rise of my dating life"

Talk soon,

The terrible dater.