The Day I Stopped Running From Myself

1. The Coffee Shop Breakdown

The steam from my chai latte blurred my vision as the first tear fell. Right there between the oat milk carafe and a display of overpriced matcha cookies, my body decided what my mind had refused to admit for years: I was drowning.

A barista slid a stack of napkins toward me without comment. The woman beside me in line suddenly found her phone fascinating. And I—the girl who'd perfected the art of "I'm fine"—was publicly unraveling because of a damn Instagram ad for teeth whitening strips.

It wasn't about the ad. It was about the 3am work emails, the friendships I'd ghosted, the way my hands shook when I tried to meditate. That day, my body staged an intervention.

2. The Cult of Busyness

I used to wear exhaustion like a badge of honor. My vocabulary revolved around:

"Swamped!"

"Just powering through!"

"Who needs sleep when you have ambition?"

My calendar looked like a Tetris game gone wrong. I'd cancel therapy to take "quick" work calls. I ate lunch while walking (when I ate at all). Then I'd lie awake at night mentally replaying every interaction, convinced I'd said something stupid.

The worst part? I thought this was normal. Everyone in my feed was "grinding," so why couldn't I keep up?

3. The Lies We Believe

Three toxic mantras fueled my burnout:

"Rest is for the weak" (Spoiler: Elon Musk sleeps too)

"Asking for help = failure" (Meanwhile, my sink piled with dishes)

"If I stop, I'll fall behind forever" (Said as if life was a race with no finish line)

My wake-up call came when my doctor pointed to my bloodwork and said, "Your cortisol levels look like you're being chased by lions daily." I laughed nervously. She didn't.

The First Step: Admitting I Needed Help

The hardest part wasn’t the breakdown—it was what came after. I had to face the truth: I couldn’t do it all alone.

I started therapy (even though I was scared to go).

I learned to say "no" without guilt.

I deleted social media for a while because it was making me miserable.

At first, it felt like I was failing. But really, I was finally letting myself be human.

Small Wins That Changed Everything

4. Baby Steps Toward Change

Recovery wasn't dramatic. It was a series of awkward firsts:

Therapy Session #1: Me, clutching a pillow: "I don't actually need to be here..."

First Intentional Nap: Set an alarm for 20 minutes, woke up 3 hours later.

The Great Notification Purge: Turned off everything except texts and... okay, TikTok (progress, not perfection).

Most surprising? The world didn't end when I:

✓ Missed a deadline (got an extension)

✓ Said "no" to a friend's wedding (sent a gift instead)

✓ Admitted "I'm not okay" (friend replied: "Me neither, wanna get tacos?")

Healing wasn’t a straight line. Some days were good; some days, I cried in the shower. But slowly, I started noticing little victories:

The first time I canceled plans because I was tired—and didn’t feel guilty.

The first deep breath I took when I realized I wasn’t rushing anywhere.

The first time I looked in the mirror and didn’t criticize myself.

These moments were small, but they added up.

The Biggest Lesson: Strength Isn’t About Never Breaking

I used to think strong people never cracked under pressure. But now I know: real strength is being honest about your struggles and still moving forward.

It’s okay to ask for help.

5. The New Definition of Strength

Real resilience looks nothing like the #GirlBoss memes. It's:

Crying in the shower and remembering to hydrate after

Deleting the productivity app that shamed you for sleeping

Texting your mom "I'm struggling" without following it with "but I'm fine!"

6. Where I Am Now

Some days I still overcommit. Sometimes I catch myself pretending to have it together. But now I recognize the signs—that tightness in my chest, the urge to check emails at 2am—and whisper: "We don't do that anymore."

The girl who cried over teeth whitening ads? She's learning to brush her teeth without multitasking. And that's victory enough.

It’s okay to rest.

It’s okay to not have everything figured out.

Conclusion: Where I Am Now

I’m not "fixed." Some days are still hard. But now, instead of running from my emotions, I sit with them. I’ve learned that healing isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being kind to yourself, one small step at a time.

And that coffee shop breakdown? It wasn’t the end of me. It was the beginning of something better.

"What’s one small victory you’ve had in your own journey? Maybe it’s saying ‘no’ to something, taking a mental health day, or just getting out of bed on a tough morning. Share yours below—I’d love to celebrate it with you!"