The Blue heart at the center of my yellow life

Mors certa, vita incerta

I am a photographer and a writer and I should not be here.

In November of 2020, I lay in a 'mini-coma', unconscious, dreamless, somewhere rivering toward the leaving of this life....and then, 3 days after losing consciousness, I awoke....

a month later, after having moved to a new apartment, a re-direction of my heart and blood meds, I began writing again...and it was diluvian.....for you see, I hadn't written a new poem in 4 years, I hadn't written an essay in nearly 8, hadnt written a short story in a decade....and it all came racing back, and to this day, it has not abated

it was as if the coma and the awakening, unlocked something inside me, the lightening in the cranial bottle unleashed....at first I couldn't control the outpouring but as with all typhoons, I have learned how to adapt and set it right so I can harness it properly....it has been an extraordinary and breathtaking ride....

and so, on January 1st, i set down, formalized, a number of goals, which sits in my notebook. One of those goals was to submit, after more than a decade, a poem to the CBC's Canadian National Poetry Contest, the most prestigious poetry competition in canada outside the Scotiabank Giller Prize.

those of you who know me, know i typically loathe awards, let alone literary or artistic competitions. I've rejected a few for my writing and photography and have only ever submitted to one, ever. That was the CBC Literary awards. Why? Because when I first applied, in 2005, I was a new Canadian and was excited to be a part of this wonderful, embracing and accepting country, especially for a bifurcated, oddball like me, who has never 'felt at home' anywhere except for in Taiwan and New York, until I moved to Toronto.

Twice I was short-listed and twice I stopped submitting after being disqualified for length 😉....

This year, I wrote something specific for 2020, as not only have we all been affected by 2020's shadows but my own life was affected personally and profoundly as well as loved ones...

after 2 intense weeks, I was able to edit the poem down from 1350 words to 590....for a verbose cat like me, this was as difficult as learning to walk again after my open heart surgery in 2019...😉...

and so, it is done. submitted.

I have returned to my life of writing and photographer--reborn from the shadows into the light.

I am very proud of the poem. I will share it after the competition as I can not while it is being considered.

It is dedicated to Four remarkable people whose lives have been profoundly altered as a result of 2020: Sean O, Ying A, Chris M and Wan-lin Y

for them

and this picture, one of my favorite: taken of me in March of this year (yes, my hair is even longer now then it was then) at my Doctor's office after the results of blood work and my recovery...

I am holding a special bag...i love yellow...and I love beautiful things and I love light and I love the blue heart, for in 2019, the doctors fixed my own and replaced the mitral valve.....

for me, the bag is a symbol of me: the furry, yellow unkempt bob with the new blue heart....it was designed and made by my friend in Vietnam, Thư Anh Doãn

How shall we make up for all this, gone?

light the world, y'all.....light the world

Mors certa, vita incerta

Bob Black

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