The Bathroom Terror

Like most people, I have a slew of embarrassing moments that haunt my every step, as I make my way into the world of adulthood. But, one of the most embarrassing times for me was when I was a child because unlike most children whose biggest fears were monsters under their beds; mine was going number 2.

Yes, you read that right.

As a child, I was afraid to go to the bathroom. I couldn’t tell you exactly how this began or why my tiny 4 year old brain thought I could avoid going to the bathroom if I had a strong enough will, but I can tell you that I recall how I always grew terrified every time I had to enter that tan room with the while toilet seat. It was like my own personal hell come to greet me. I would shake and tremble at the sight of it or at the thought of even having to go into that room and sit down.

Thinking back on it, I can’t help but find this is probably the most embarrassing secret to ever have because how many people are afraid of going to the bathroom? As far as I’ve heard, it’s unheard of. And I’ve asked many of my friends if they ever shared that same embarrassing fear, to which all of them usually respond by busting into fits of laughter. I can’t blame them. When thinking about it, I often laugh too—after a decent amount of inward cringing—because it truly is so ridiculous the only reaction you can have, is to laugh.

What’s even worse is that this embarrassing, cringe worthy fact about me isn’t something that happened once nor did it last a few weeks and was miraculously gone.

No. This lasted from age four to a little past the age of five.

I know, you’re probably thinking how did I manage to be afraid of going to the bathroom for a whole year? The honest answer; I don’t know. Since I was so young I don’t exactly recall that period of my life. I have snippets in my head, flashbacks that could be construed over time. The only thing I really recall is the big, embarrassing fear and my devious, little child mind coming up with (what I thought) were genius ways to avoid it.

These usually consisted of pretending the pain in my stomach didn’t feel excruciating or lying to my parents when they asked me if I had to go. I would simply answer, “ No, I already went.” Of course the lies didn’t last long. Like most mother’s, my mom saw right through the façade and knew I was avoiding doing the one thing that was a normal bodily function.

I can’t tell you when I stopped being afraid, but I can tell you the moment I decided that I couldn’t avoid it any longer and that result was because my mom told me a necessary lie in order to get me to stop avoiding the bathroom.

I can still recall her words, one of the only things that’s fresh in mind from a time when I was so young.

She sat me down and in a kind voice said, “ Honey if you don’t go to the bathroom, your bowl movement will explode inside you and make you very sick. So no more avoiding it. You need to go to the bathroom.”

Now, I don’t know about you but striking the fear of God into the mind of a 5 year old is pretty much the only way to get them to actually listen to you, at least that’s what got me to listen to my mom.

While my mom’s methods might be considered harsh, it was the necessary push I needed to stop doing what I was doing and actually sit on the toilet and go to the bathroom. After that, somewhere along the lines, the fear was stamped out of me and I no longer harbored that fear.

But, to this day, I really can’t help but wince every time I think about it nor can I believe I’m sharing this embarrassing feat with a bunch of strangers.

But perhaps at this point in my life, I’ve stopped caring what strangers think of me. So, reader I hope this brings you a laugh or two, even if it is at my expense.