Struggling passion

When I first saw this challenge, honestly I got a little bit upset.

Why? Why would anyone get upset about the beautiful feeling of PASSION? Because most of the things I used to be passionate about has dimmed over time. I doubt I'll win anything because of that statement, but this is about the deep struggles with the passions in my life, the best ones I've had to change, let go and accept.

My biggest passion in life was dancing, but then my anxiety and stress got in the way of teaching it to anyone as I never had good experiences with teaching people of all ages. So then I thought maybe I could film me freestyling and post it on my social medias and see if it might get me somewhere, but anxiety and lacking in inspiration and motivation got in the way of that too that I only post one video on my Instagram once or twice a year now. Eventually just dancing everyday around the house ended up stopping because of my arthritis that slowly grew more and more intensely. In my teens I was a pretty good break dancer, in my area I was known as "that breakdancing chick", now in my early 20s I can't do anything breakdance worthy that now it's only light hip hop and contemporary/ecstatic, I can't even do popping anymore either. It's been a hard ride to accept the change and letting that part of me go as it held a very strong passion, the most passion I've ever felt in this lifetime, and now I can't do it at all like I used to, it feels so wrong and broken to my core.

Another passion was creating songs, music has always been a gift to me when listening and thinking of ideas of how to create songs, though after creating songs, through my ear I felt I couldn't create good music, the sound was weird and a little bit cringey, I still love the lyrics but I never put enough emotion into recording it as I was just reading off the notes I wrote, so I gave up on making music, but instead I decided to turn it into writing poetry instead seen as my lyrics were the best part of my songs. This Vocal website kept popping up during that transition and found that this could be a great place to upload my work, sadly my work hasn't gotten me anywhere good on here, so instead I just post my work on here for fun.

I'm someone that always has something deep and truthful to say and I've enjoyed saying it through rhyming because it would get me into learning new words, working my brain, and it always felt good to create a really relatable and/or catchy quote that rhymed.

Not only have I been writing poetry, but my creative mind is always coming up with new story ideas to write, I've got a big list of story ideas, already created a fair few short stories like the challenges on this website, but the other stories that I haven't finished are gonna be bigger and longer stories, I've also created some fan fiction stories to a couple of my favourite shows that I've sent emails and messages through social media to the shows writers telling them I have great ideas for their next season but sadly and understandably I've never heard back from them. So I've been posting my finished work through this website, hoping that one day it'll get me somewhere, if not I'm happy to just keep writing for fun.

My disability like anxiety stopping me a lot,

My disability like arthritis making me drop,

My disability like ADHD always saying what,

My disability like dyslexia losing the plot,

My disability like depression making me rot.

Saying I'm disabled makes me seem weak,

People saying I can work everyday of the week,

Making me feel deceived,

Until they see me work then they tell me to leave,

I'm tired of complaining,

But I've tried it all,

Decided this is my restful life,

Before trying again to then fall.

I don't deserve the support of my passions,

Because I gave up on all those missions,

But I'm still writing my feelings,

In hopes someone else feels them too.

I'm lost in what I want to do with life,

But I'm ok with that,

I don't need to be a wife,

Or defend myself with a knife,

My only passion in life these days,

Is to find my own way to live my life,

How to be creative along the way,

Now I'm off living on the road as a stray.