Smooth talking dangers

Warning: This has real potentially triggering events. This is a true story of how I avoided becoming another r*pe statistic and hopefully helps keep others safe.

This happened about three or so years ago now, maybe a little longer, but is it ever still fresh in my mind. It took me a while to realize the gravity of the situation and longer to talk openly about it. However, if I continue to hold my silence others could fall victim to the pitfalls I barely avoided. By talking about it I can educate others and save them from a lifetime of trauma.

Let me preface by saying that the situation I faced may have been unique due to my entertainment background, but the tactics used on me can happen in any situation and the way I avoided them can be adjusted for your life if needed. Though I hope you never have to use them.

It started off rather innocently. A friend and I went to an event mixer for actors, musicians, and the like. There was no cover, free food, and drink specials. All in all a setting for a great time. My friend and I split up to talk to different people though we did keep each other in line of sight. I met two friendly guys smoking hookah outside the bar and joined them for conversation. We talked about music, vocal range, songs in other languages and one of them decided to invite myself and the other gentleman back to his studio to record for fun. We parted ways and agreed to meet up in a few days.

For legal reasons I have changed the two guys' names. One will be called Mike and the other I will refer to as Nathen.

A few days pass and I do everything I am supposed to. I let three friends know where I am going and send one of them my location when I get there. It's Mike's house. When I get there Nathen hasn't arrived yet, but Mike is in a session with another artist. I end up chilling and jamming with them until Nathen gets there. Nathen tries to take over and wants to make a beat and a song. Mike and I go along with it while the other artist gets annoyed and leaves. The vibe has definitely been soured by Nathen's lateness and his overbearingness with the jam session. We eventually get him to chill out and actually start jamming, but it ends up getting pretty late and the creative juices are starting to dry up. Mike invites the two of us for a green plant smoke, but I decline and because of that Nathen does too.

We set up a time to reconvene on the song and it ends up only being a few days away. As Nathen and I are heading to our cars on the street he invites me out for a drink. I politely decline and my guy calls me just then asking when I'm coming home. This seems to make Nathen rather uncomfortable. I quickly get in my car and drive off talking to my guy noticing a weird feeling about Nathen.

A few days pass Mike and Nathen are in a group chat with me and we all agree to meet up at Nathen's Parent's restaurant in town before going back to the studio. That way we could hash out the songs lyrics and meanings before wasting time in the studio. I arrive a little early to the restaurant (I hate being late) and I see Nathen is already there (it makes sense since it belongs to his parents). He introduces me to his mom, dad, uncle, and aunt. It was a little awkward to say the least.

We sit down and wait for Mike. He asks if I'm hungry and would like to look at a menu while we wait on Mike. I decline mentioning I have a gluten allergy and cannot have wheat, rye, or barley. He says he knows just the thing and he shouts something to his mom in another language. A few minutes later she brings out a sharing/appetizer plate full of random foods. Surprisingly, none of them have gluten items in it. I mention it tastes great and Nathen starts talking about his country. It was a nice conversation at first talking about the food, the Ethiopian culture, and the people, but then it started to go off track.

He mentioned that thanks to his music lots of women want him back home. That he gets lots of messages from them. He started to show me pictures and messages from these girls, some in English, some in another language. I wasn't seeing anything that was risky in nature, but a lot of vanity shots (shots in mirror close up on butt or boobs) and messages (that I could read in English) that were more seductive in wording. I'm not sure why he was showing me all these girls that wanted him. The only thing I could think was bragging or trying to make himself look better. It made me rather uncomfortable so I changed the subject back to music.

He then started to talk about how he had gotten accepted into some prestigious music school and that's how he ended up in America. He won some awards from the school and helped his family come over. That he's toured with bands and in between he drives a taxi or some ride share service so he can set his own schedule/work anywhere. He then mentioned I should go on tour with him. He could introduce me to some A-list bands (name dropped a few I do know) that he has or will soon open for ("open/opening act" means the starting act to warm up the crowd for the main band).

Though the thought of an introduction was tempting my gut was telling me to say no to a tour with him. I told him my current work schedule wouldn't allow for a tour. I would need to save up more PTO (paid time off) before I could even entertain the idea. He looked confused and asked me why don't I quit my job and get a new one after the tour. I explained that I didn't have a lot in my savings and I had been having trouble finding a job in my degree field; I was not about to quit the one I had. He smiled and said that I just need a man to take care of me and started talking about all the money he makes a month from driving and tours (I don't think those were his only incomes. He isn't a big enough name to survive off of it let alone make the money he was claiming to make).

I started fiddling with my engagement ring and smiling telling him how much my guy means to me and that together we make ends meet. He seemed a little deflated and I wish it had ended there. Our phones started buzzing from the group chat. Mike apologized and stated he would be unable to make it and we would be unable to use the studio. He got a last minute booking for quite a bit of money and needed it for bills. We both told him no hard feelings. Nathen suggested to him that the two of us could work on the lyrics and song, so next time we could just have a quick session at the studio. Mike was enthusiastic about it, so I begrudgingly agreed and tried to play nice even though warning bells were going off.

The group call ended and Nathen came over to my side of the booth and sat next to me. I was not comfortable with the skin to skin touching and scooted over a bit. He scooted closer and being next to a wall I had nowhere to go. I got my computer out of my bag and loaded up a document. The sooner the song was done the sooner I could get home. I scrolled over to some of my premade duets in hopes he would choose one of those and I could leave early. Well, he chose an R&B song about love, cheating, and a kid that originally was to be sold to another artist who bowed out and chose another songwriter last second (always get deposits before work lessons learned). He then tried to use that song to flirt really creepily. Like oh, so you'd be singing from the woman's perspective who cheated. If she got knocked up that means no protection right? And so on and so forth...

I try to change the subject and talk about how I should have lined up a backup studio and he mentions he knows two people with studios and has a home studio. I quickly say I wouldn't want to invade his space and ask about the other two alternatives. One ends up being a guy who is not in town, the other is a girl, but she's just starting her shift at a bar a few miles from there, so she won't see her phone for a while. In the interest of no longer being trapped in the booth I recommend we should go to her and ask her. I also figure with another female there I can get away easier and not risk the guy following me home.

I pull out my wallet to pay for half of the food we ate and he refuses to let me pay. His family refuses to let me pay saying we look cute together...I bite my tongue and thank them for the meal and then I asked Nathen for the address to the bar. Nathen told me he could just drive me there. That my car would be safe while parked in front of his parents place. I politely declined saying I take my car everywhere I go (I was not about to give up my ticket to freedom). He kept insisting it would save me gas. I firmly stated either he gives me the address or I go home. He finally messaged it to me.

I got in my car and plugged it in; wondering if he would leave before me and I could escape early, but he just sat there in his car watching me. I started following the GPS slowly thinking he would get annoyed with my granny driving and drive ahead to meet me there. He never stopped following very closely. I didn't have an opportunity to diverge off the path. If I drove home he would follow me and my guy was laid up with a back injury on the couch. There was no way he would be able to protect me in that state. I didn't know where the police offices were on that side of town and my voice activation for my phone/car hook up wasn't working anymore to ask it to call for help or get directions to the nearest station. I would just have to bide my time.

I ended up turning into a hole in the wall bar and before I could even fully park Nathen was out of his car opening my car door to let me out (car didn't lock my doors when I drove sometimes. I thanked him while trying to not freak out and put my phone and keys into my backpack. He grabbed my backpack from me saying he would carry it for me into the bar. I had been cut off from my communication and my means of escape as well as a very expensive laptop. I told him I needed my keys to lock my car. He pulled them out and locked my car for me... I told him I needed my phone to check in with my guy to let him know I was okay. He said I wasn't bound to him, that it was fine for me to have a little fun without checking in and didn't give me my phone. He started walking to the bar and I had no choice but to follow him. It was a rough neighborhood from the looks of it and I wouldn't be able to get very far in my stylish shoes. They were built for looks not long runs.

The bar was nothing to write home about unless your family member was a health or code inspector. The building looked to be falling apart. The moment I walked in the door I was greeted with a drunkard blowing cigarette smoke in my face then aggressively shouting at me. I have no idea what the man was trying to say. Nathen pulled me inside past the drunkard and I realized how strong this guy was. I would not be able to fight him if it came down to it... On top of that the only way to leave was to pass a potentially violent drunk man. I started thinking maybe I could just leave everything, fill a report later, and sneak out a bathroom window, but another drunk patron exited a door with a unisex restroom sign and what I saw dashed those hopes. A tiny windowless room with a slightly broken toilet covered in vomit...

We got to the bar top and a female bartender recognized Nathen. She came out and hugged him asking him how he was doing. He introduced me to her and said she was the one with the recording equipment. Then her face fell and said not anymore. Literally, two days ago her husband became her ex and he destroyed all of her stuff. She thought she had told him that...He pretends to have forgotten about it, but mentions we could always use his home studio. We could even go there tonight and just cut Mike out since he wasn't reliable. So many bells going off....

I tell him to hand me my bag; that I want to show his friend the song we chose before we try to record it. That I want to make sure it's something an audience member would want to listen to. He places my bag on the bar in front of a bar stool. I go over to it and he pushes the seat into my legs forcing me to sit if I didn't want to fall. He then stands behind me blocking me in. The girl mentions how sweet he is on me to get my chair for me. I realize she is going to be no help in this situation. I pull out my computer figuring showing her the song will give me time to mentally regroup and come up with a plan.

Nathen asks me what I would like to drink and I immediately decline saying I have to drive. I don't drink when I have to drive. He says he can drive me home. I tell him though I appreciate the offer I don't think my guy would be too happy with that. The girl at the bar mutters under her breath thinking I can't hear why are you here cheating if you have a guy? She's really not going to be of any help. She thinks I'm out on a date with him!

A second bartender comes up and asks what we would like to drink. Nathen insists again to buy me a drink. I mention my food allergy, gluten which is most alcohol. Can't tell you how grateful I was to be limited on what booze I could have. Bartender says the only thing he has is tap water (from a rather disgusting looking sink), a bottled health drink, or he can pour me some apple or orange juice from the jugs. The water and the juice would be open glasses. It would be very easy for someone to put something in it, so I opted for the health drink to both protect myself and get Nathen to quit asking me to drink. He was a little disappointed that I couldn't drink booze with him, but pulled out a card to pay for my drink. Again, I offered my money to the bartender, but he took the card from Nathen instead. The drink was vile. Tasted like vinegar, so I only took a sip and when I looked away because my laptop needs my log in I could see out of the corner of my eye him trying to mess with the top, but being unsuccessful. I didn't touch it after that.

I started to boot up my computer and Nathen started asking me if I wanted some green to smoke that the bartender also sells it. I decline saying I don't partake just like last time. He tells me to loosen up and that it's good for me. I told him that they do drug testing at my work. He says they won't catch me if I only do it once and take water pills for the next two days. I tell him I am participating in a medical study for money. I have no idea what the green stuff will do to the meds and I'm not risking it for some lousy high. He drops it when I show him the pills from my bag as proof. Says he can respect a woman who knows what she wants and won't back down. That I was his kind of woman.

He takes this opportunity to try to feel me up. I remove his hands and tell him to not touch me like that. That I do not like people touching me. He says to relax and tries to massage my shoulders. I tell him to stop. That he is messing up my hair. He stops mentioning how he appreciates that I want to stay looking nice for him. A song comes on and he closes my laptop and says how this is one of his favorites and that I should dance with him. I politely decline saying I can't dance. He insists. I tell him I can't just leave my computer alone. He grabs it and places it in my bag then puts my bag on me. Says I should be able to dance without worry now and pulls me towards the dance floor with his freakish strength. Brightside I was now in possession of my computer, phone, and keys again. To top it off I was wearing my messenger bag that carried them all. If I could get away he wouldn't have anything of mine to use against me.

He got really close to me to dance slowly and said how he couldn't wait for us to go on tour together. After all, what happens on tour stays on tour just like all the groupies' he's been with. That he had a lot of experience to make me feel good. He was sure I would be a much better girl than his ex that cheated on him. I wasn't able to push away at the angle he had his arms wrapped. I would have to use the dance movements to get away slowly. I tried to distract him with conversation. If I could get him upset he might let go of me.

I told him he was cheating too if he had groupies on tour while with her. He said he cheated after she did to get back at her for sleeping with his friend, but the jokes on her because he makes thousands of dollars a month where his friend only makes a couple hundred. He starts saying I should understand that some people need to be taught lessons and other people are meant to be together. He started feeling me up again and it left me just enough room to get a good move to get away. I managed to push away finally and told him that I was a good Christian girl (Lie. I’m not Christian) who doesn't cheat and waits for the right man (true). He said that wasn't true. He could tell I wanted him and that I wanted to sleep around with how I was dressed (I was wearing a simple striped shirt, blue jeans, and simple black heels. Nothing was showing, nothing was slutty. My neck wasn't even showing thanks to my white jacket). I repeated again louder I AM A GOOD CHRISTIAN GIRL! I DO NOT SLEEP AROUND! He smiled in a way that gave me chills and had a tight grip on my arms.

He said I would change my mind after being on tour. Working in close quarters would change me. In fact we should go back to his place and record a song. I would see how nice his place was and how much money he could spoil me with. That we could take his car to his place. I told him I was not leaving my car outside a run down bar in a bad neighborhood. He said fine, both of us would take my car and he would drive. I told him no that my insurance didn't cover other drivers (lie). That if we got pulled over leaving the bar my car could be impounded. It was a sketchy neighborhood and a lot of cops probably patrol the area. He seemed to accept it and told me fine that I could drive and he would direct me. He held my arm and said he had to protect me from the drunk at the door. That's what a good boyfriend would do or if I'm not ready for that title then that's what a good brother would do. I wanted to gag at that statement. You want to be with me, but also want to call yourself a brother? How sick and disgusting is that?

We got past the drunkard who only half heartedly tossed a punch at me, but it was blocked by Nathen. He escorted me to my car and I unlocked it. He then opened the driver side door for me and I got in. He closed it quickly and instead of taking off my bag and buckling in I took advantage of his mistake. I turned the car on and tossed it in drive not caring if I hit him. He jumped out of the way and in my rearview I saw him running for his car like he was going to follow me. I tore through a dark neighborhood, scraping the underside of my car on some speed bumps, and blew through a red light to get to a main road. Once I was on the highway I ramped it up to 100 miles an hour and did two highway change overs before finally doubling back to go home.

When I got home I ran up the apartment stairs and quickly locked the door even though I knew he couldn't have followed me. The commotion woke up my guy who was confused as I started stripping, throwing all of my clothes, shoes, and emptying my backpack to go in too. I then took a long shower.

When I got out he handed me a towel he had warmed in the dryer and told me he hand washed my heels and started the load of my other stuff. He asked if I wanted to talk about it. I told him no, that I just needed him to hold me and watch some tv. He told me he didn't mind, but asked if I wanted to get dressed. I told him no, the towel was warm and I needed his touch on my skin.

He sat on the couch and I sat on him. He held me most of the night; never tried anything, just waited for me to feel okay. I told him what happened a few days later, but I only had Nathen's stage name and nothing had "happened" so not like we could do anything about it. I told Mike not to work with him and that I would prefer to not go back to his studio for safety since Nathen knew where it was too. Mike said he understood. I blocked the guy on everything online and blocked Mike for safety even though he didn't do anything. I can only wonder if those groupies were really groupies or were they victims as well?

In the end he tried to feed me as a date. Tried to make me jealous with other girls. Block me into the booth. Take away my car (mode of escape). Followed me so I wouldn't run off. Take my things when I got to the bar. Block me into the bar. Lied to me about the friends studio. Tried to get me drunk. Tried to drug me. Tried to get me high. Touched me when I didn't want it. Forced me to dance and make others think it was a date. Tried to take my car from me to get to his house and tried to chase after me when I went to escape. If you don't consider that attempted r*pe please reevaluate yourself.