Simple '30-second rule' can help you win every conversation, even if you're a little awkward

Do you ever feel awkward in conversations? You’re not alone. Whether it's making small talk with coworkers, chatting with someone new at a party, or trying to break the ice in a meeting, conversation anxiety is something many people experience. For those who aren’t naturally charismatic, knowing what to say—especially early in an interaction—can feel like walking a tightrope.

Fortunately, there’s a remarkably simple strategy that can instantly make you more likable, more confident, and more connected. It’s called the 30-second rule, and according to leadership expert John C. Maxwell, it can change the way you interact with people forever.

What Is the 30-Second Rule?

The 30-second rule is straightforward: within the first 30 seconds of meeting or speaking with someone, you say something that uplifts or compliments them. It could be a kind observation, a word of encouragement, or a genuine compliment about something they've done or who they are.

Why 30 seconds? Because first impressions are powerful—and fleeting. Research shows that people often make judgments within the first few seconds of an interaction. By making your opening words kind and affirming, you immediately establish trust, warmth, and openness.

This rule isn’t about flattery or trying to “win” people over through manipulation. It’s about being intentional in choosing to make others feel seen and appreciated right away. And when you do, conversations tend to unfold with more ease and sincerity.

Why This Rule Works

Human beings are wired for connection. When someone makes us feel good, safe, or appreciated, we’re naturally more open to them. Here’s what makes the 30-second rule so powerful:

It builds instant rapport. When someone feels complimented or encouraged, they let their guard down. That awkward tension? Gone.

It shifts your focus from yourself to the other person. Conversation anxiety often stems from being overly self-conscious. The 30-second rule redirects your attention outward, reducing nerves.

It creates positive emotional energy. Psychologists have shown that encouraging words can energize people. One early study even suggested that encouragement could temporarily boost energy levels in fatigued individuals.

It increases your own confidence. When you focus on uplifting others, you step into a more generous and calm version of yourself.

Examples of the 30-Second Rule in Action

You don’t have to be poetic or profound. Just sincere. Here are a few examples across different settings:

At Work:

“Your idea in the meeting yesterday really helped clarify things for me.”

“I’ve always admired how organized you are—it’s inspiring.”

At a Networking Event:

“I’ve heard great things about your work—it’s awesome to finally meet you.”

“You have such a calm presence. It makes talking to you so easy.”

On a First Date or Social Gathering:

“You have a great laugh—it’s really contagious.”

“This restaurant pick was spot-on. You’ve got great taste.”

In Family or Personal Life:

“I’m so grateful for how supportive you’ve been lately.”

“The way you handled that situation was really impressive.”

These small remarks may seem simple, but they carry emotional weight. The key is to look for something genuine and specific—not generic flattery.

But What If You’re Not a “People Person”?

Even if you're not naturally outgoing or extroverted, the 30-second rule is still for you. In fact, it can be especially useful for shy or socially anxious individuals. You don’t have to lead the conversation, dominate the room, or have the perfect words. You just need one sentence that lifts someone else up.

If you're nervous, prepare a few compliments in advance. Think of common things you might comment on, such as someone’s effort, personality, creativity, or presence. You can even practice delivering a compliment naturally—like you’d rehearse a speech.

Over time, the act of focusing on others, rather than worrying about how you’re being perceived, becomes second nature. And that alone can change your confidence level in social situations.

Authenticity Is Everything

It’s important to emphasize that this rule only works when it’s authentic. People are perceptive. They know when they’re being buttered up with shallow compliments. So, don’t force it. If you’re genuinely struggling to find something nice to say, take a moment to look and listen more attentively. There’s always something admirable about everyone—you just need to notice it.

Even a subtle comment like “I always enjoy our conversations” or “You bring such good energy to this room” can be incredibly meaningful if it’s heartfelt.

Final Thoughts: Small Effort, Big Impact

You don’t need to be the most eloquent or charismatic person in the room to be remembered—you just need to be intentional. The 30-second rule is a tiny shift in how you enter conversations, but it can lead to big changes in how you’re perceived and how you feel.

Think of it like planting a seed: in those first few moments, you're choosing to invest in kindness, appreciation, and connection. And in return, you often get richer conversations, stronger relationships, and a boost in self-confidence.

So, next time you're about to talk to someone—pause. Think of something kind, encouraging, or appreciative to say. Deliver it in the first 30 seconds.

That one sentence could be the start of a deeper, more meaningful connection.

And if you’ve ever felt awkward in conversations, this may be the best 30 seconds you’ve ever spent.