Rubber Bands and Paperclips

Two full years before the original adventures of MacGyver graced our living rooms, I was the queen of rubber bands and paperclips. Though my on-the-spot repairs might not have saved the world, fixing a broken copy machine that died halfway through printing the monthly report was almost a hero move. With my arsenal of masking tape, erasers, paperclips, rubber bands, and dental floss, I could fix almost any equipment in the Personnel Office. Well, it wasn’t exactly fixed, but it would hold together nicely until a repairman or replacement could arrive.

My actual job was that of a personnel clerk. My days mostly consisted of typing, filing, and other duties related to office work. I was good at those things, and my natural math skills also landed me a variety of other specialized assignments. But I relished the opportunity to do what I loved best... troubleshooting a piece of office equipment, working my magic, and getting the broken heap operational again. My motto: “It’s not like I can make it worse...it’s already broken!”

My love of fixing things played a big part in my decision to join the Navy. I chose to be an Electronics Technician with a specialty in Aviation Antisubmarine Warfare. I would soon be starting a career of fixing things; I was so excited! I was currently enlisted, but in the Delayed Entry Program. I had signed up in October of the year before. Now it was March, and in just three months, when there was an opening in my training school, I would be off to Bootcamp. Nothing could stop me from starting the job of my dreams...or so I thought….

It was a Monday morning, and I was feeling great. I had taken a week off work to visit friends and family. I didn’t know all of the logistics of joining the military, but I was pretty sure that it might be a while before I could take time off...with Bootcamp and training schools and all. The drive in to work flew by, and I practically skipped on into the building. The first person I saw was my friend Becki. “Guess who’s back?!” I called out to her as we approached each other in the main corridor.

“Hey Sandy” she replied with a wave, “How was your week off?”

“Pretty nice,” I replied. Becki was another personnel assistant that worked with me. “Anything exciting happen when I was gone?”

“You won’t believe it!” she exclaimed in a somewhat serious tone, “On Friday, I found a bomb!”

“A bomb?” I repeated because I honestly thought she was going to say that someone brought in donuts, or that the boss let everyone off early, or that Jan was pregnant...again. I did not expect her to say “bomb.”

“YES!” she emphasized louder.

“A real bomb?!” I clarified.

“Yes, a REAL bomb!” she answered in an exaggerated manner.

“Where the hell did you find a real bomb!?”

“Right here in this building!”

“WHAT?!”

“I found it in the basement room where you’ve been working.” She pulled me in for a dramatic hug. “You are so lucky that you weren’t here.”

“Oh my God.” I exclaimed as Becki released me. “Why would someone want to blow up a personnel office?” I pondered aloud. “Sure, this is a NASA facility, but it’s not like the personnel building is full of top secret information…. How did you find it?”

“I had to go downstairs into that creepy little room that you’ve been working in to drop off a report.” she explained. “You know, like the ones you are putting in boxes to be shipped out. Anyway, when I got into the room, I heard this really loud ticking. I freaked me out because I knew no one was supposed to be in there.” Becki had a startled look on her face as she acted out the events. “Then I saw the bomb in the corner. I ran upstairs as fast as I could and down the hall to security. Hank was there, and he quickly cleared the building. Then the bomb squad guys came and took it away.”

“Crazy.” I said in disbelief, “A bomb in our building….” I thought about the ramifications. What if I had been at work last week instead of being on vacation. I might not be here this week. No Navy. No fixing things. My heart raced as I thought of how close I had come to dying.

“Well it turned out that it wasn’t a bomb yet.” she paused dramatically then added proudly, “Security said that it looked like I must have scared the mysterious bomber off before he finished it.” Becki then went on to say that there was a clock mechanism that was strapped to a cart, but there were no explosives. “Hey, see you later. I’ve got to go sign a few things over at security.” she announced. And with that, Becki zipped down the hall leaving me standing there in disbelief.

My heart was pounding now. “A clock mechanism strapped to a cart!” I spoke softly to myself. “Oh God,” I quickly reached the obvious conclusion, “That he is actually a she...and that she is me! I’m the mysterious bomber.”

But it wasn’t really an unfinished bomb, it was just an old clock that I had fixed. On one hand, I was relieved that no one was actually trying to kill me. On the other hand...I was going to be in SO much trouble. I caused a bomb scare on a NASA facility. Also, what if the Navy found out? Would they revoke my enlistment? Does this make me a terrorist?

So many thoughts were flying around in my head that it was hard to focus on just one. Would I be arrested? Could I go to jail? Will I lose my job? Would there be a fine? Should I do this or should I do that? I was in full panic mode.

I tried to reassure myself. Surely the people would listen to reason. Simple explanation really. There wasn’t a clock in the room, and I wanted to know when it was time for my breaks. The device was just an old wind up clock that I found in the room. I fixed it by taking it apart and using a rubber band, a paperclip, some tape, and the cart to generate enough tension to make the clock keep proper time. It was just a clock, nothing else. No harm done.

After several minutes had passed, I realized that I was still standing in the middle of the corridor just staring at the floor. I slowly turned and made my way to the office. “Just act natural,” I said to myself, “Just play it cool.” I slowed down as I approached the doorway “Act natural, be cool, act natural, be cool.” I tried to reassure myself that no one could know it was my contraption…. Who was I kidding? That contraption had “Sandy” written all over it. I was going to jail for sure. After coming to terms with my fate, I entered the office.

When I entered the office, everyone was involved in work or doing their general bustling around. I headed to my desk. There was already a stack of work waiting for me, so I sat down and got busy. I focused hard on completing my tasks. Other than the occasional “welcome back” the others didn’t really have much to say. As the minutes turned in an hour, then two, it seemed that all was fine and that I had nothing to worry about. Everything was business as usual. I could breathe again.

At lunch, I met up with Becki. The conversation was mostly about what I had done on my vacation, family, and the latest movies. I didn't ask her what she needed to sign at Security, and she didn’t bring it up. It was kind of like the whole thing didn’t even happen. Lunch break flew by fast, as it usually did. We cleared off our table and headed back to the office. Then it happened.

“I almost forgot,” Becki chimed as we rounded the turn out of the cafeteria, “Hank in Security wanted you to drop by for a few minutes right after lunch.” She smiled, “see you in a few.”

“Yeah,” I said weakly, then thought to myself,” see you in a few...years!” I couldn't believe that my last meal of freedom was a tuna sandwich. A sandwich that was now doing somersaults in my stomach. I slowly walked toward Security. Had they figured it out? Had they dusted for fingerprints? Did they have my fingerprints? What I need is a good story….

Okay, this is stupid.. I knew that I couldn’t go in there and lie, because I would twitch and sweat and look even more guilty. I would just march right in there and tell the truth….

So I stepped into Hank's office, and said not a damn thing because I am not stupid, and I didn’t want to go to jail. Luckily for me, security was just checking to see if I had seen anything suspicious or if I recalled seeing anyone who shouldn’t have been down in the basement. So, I was able to tell the truth. I did not see anything suspicious. End of story. I never spoke of it again...until now.

So, life went on as scheduled. A few months after the incident, I entered Bootcamp and went on to be the top of my class in Aviation Electronics. I did wonder occasionally what happened to my little cart clock. A few years into my enlistment, I had the opportunity to go to Europe, and I picked up my very first, genuine Swiss Army knife. And, as you can imagine, I was a big fan of a new show called MacGyver.