Resolutions

I have spoken about this on my personal blog, but I dislike making resolutions. It tends to throw me into a spiral of disappointment in myself if I can't do it, and do it right, and do it right the first time I try.

I don't need that kind of negative self-talk.

In 2017, I was still too numb from my husband's death to make resolutions, which were usually about weight loss, anyway. And while I do need to lose about a third of my current weight for health purposes, I don't need to beat myself up for it, either.

In 2018, I decided not to make a resolution at all; instead, I wanted to make goals. And in fact, one of those goals was weight loss, but instead of expecting too much of myself by giving myself very specific instructions, I went too far in the other direction; "weight loss" was just too vague. I also decided on other goals, notably finding a great job for me (which I did, in August of that year), and breaking the Mom Leaves Town Curse. I also managed that one, though I'm not sure how. If you want to have the backstory, click the link.

In 2019, I don't think I did much of anything as a resolution. In fact, my personal blog doesn't show anything for the whole month of January 2019!

In 2020, I got even more specific, but in a very particular way. Here's an excerpt from my personal blog of that day:

~

You see, I’m historically a bit of a doormat unless I get angry; then I’m just a jerk. Especially in the fall and winter. Ask Abby's dad.

January 2nd there was a snafu regarding my internet bill: an overpayment because of an old account. Which wouldn’t be a big deal if they didn’t keep trying to contact my late husband (he’s been dead since August 2016 and the bill has been in my name for about eight months). I find this very frustrating and mildly offensive, not to mention the wave of sadness that comes each time something like this happens.

In the past I would have either a) wept, apologized for something I didn't do, and taken whatever sop they felt like giving me - if they felt like it at all, or b) turned into a raging asshat and demanded my money-plus-interest back from some hapless support rep who had the misfortune to answer the phone.

But that day I achieved kind-but-firm. And that with the sort of hangover that one gets not from alcohol but from a solid ten days of overindulgence capped with a five-kid sleepover.

Before coffee.

I got my overpayment back on the debit card, a confirmation in writing that they removed his name entirely from my account, and a sincere-sounding apology for the confusion. And so now I have my mantra for 2020...

It's kind of a big deal for me, to not make resolutions (which I will later feel guilty for if when they don't get kept, even if the reasons are out of my control). Not even goals, as I did a couple of years ago (last year there was nothing from December 28th until the Snowpocalypse in mid-February!).

"Do no harm but take no crap" seems like a good life philosophy even now, two years later.

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In 2021, I gave myself permission to be human.

In 2022, I'm going another step further into it and prioritizing myself, especially when it comes to decent food, rest, and hydration. Sleep - and I do have a CPAP machine now, which usually helps - is absolutely key for me; if I don't sleep well, the rest of life doesn't work right. As an example, I slept poorly the night before I wrote this (I was probably anxious about the weather, but I just could not get to sleep), and I spent most of the day in a mental fog, snacking on everything in sight (all those Christmas cookies are not good for me!) and probably not drinking enough water.

So that's my 2022 resolution/goal/quote from a favorite childhood book:

"Today is gone. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one. Every day from here to there, funny things are everywhere." -Dr. Seuss, One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish

That's not a bad philosophy, either.