Reflection

Writing has always been a very therapeutic thing to me. Especially in the later years of my life. I used to spend time composing short stories after I was finished homework in class. I will be honest with myself, sometimes I would just ignore what was in front of me and just write nonsense plots on the foolscap next to me. It bothers me when I cannot seem to sort my thoughts out onto paper in an organized fashion. It still does to this day. It always used to bother me that most of my writing had felt "unfinished" or not ready to be seen by the world.

After I had a miserably awful attempt at running my own blog site when I was 19 years old (Before the children were around), I stumbled across Vocal with the birth of my second child. Writing is a beautiful process, and I believe that everyone gets an opportunity to learn from their past mistakes. I figured that out when I harassed Vocal about my password for as many days as I did. It reminded me of my old website days.

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." -Ernest Hemmingway

Thoughts on paper are a challenge for some people. I've always had a different relationship with words and grammar, I know that now as a 23-year-old adult. I used to read a book and analyze it completely. I just very recently had a full-on debate-like conversation with someone about how "texting" is a verb, just for the sole reason that it is an action word. It caused me to reflect a little more on words and how inventive I have become later in life with my words. Ankward is a new word for me and people that know me personally, because I tend to stumble across my words when I speak outloud. My speech organization is different for me. (Ankward- anxious and awkward)

After I had spent almost two weeks trying to hack into my own Vocal account, I find it almost ironic when I think about how frustrated I was with the situation. After experiencing a very painful time period in my life where I turned to write to heal, I feel much differently about this platform and what it means to me. It had nothing to do with the support staff, it had everything to do with my own capabilities. I spent so much of my own time refreshing those emails, and working towards unlocking this account that it bothers me for some reason. It is such a great platform to write on in my honest opinion. The editing system blows my mind away from time to time. I have been a writer on this platform for almost a year now. Or at least I tried to be. I know I don't have a healthy writing routine established according to myself, but that's okay because I am still learning. Ernest Hemmingway once politely put things together like this, "There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." I reflect on this man a lot. He changed my opinions on writing. When you bleed on people who did not cut you, it just makes you fucking ache inside. I like to think that your writing can be a reflection of how much pain you are in. I got to learn that lesson this past year. When your writing flows, it can flow like a stream, very gentle and encouraging. When your pain fuels your writing, that says something. I experienced that knowledge by sharing a trauma masterpiece. Most writers are people with so much pain that they don't know where it goes. I believe that's why most people want to keep a journal in the first place. I know I can say with a passion that writing changed my life.

Chloe Rose Violet