Petty

“I need to talk to you.”

I sent the message then set down my phone.

I sat in the back of the van watching a field of grass move by in the distance it’s subtle hills rolling like green ocean waves. The field was empty, protected by a fence and filled only with grass. Far back in one of the green swells set a barn. Dull. Brown faded almost to black. It may have looked less ominous in the sunlight but today was covered with a heavy grey blanket weighing on everything it touched.

“What’s up, man? Everything okay?”

My best friend, Jess Coughtry, responded to me. He was the most reasonable person I knew. Whenever I was feeling like doing something extreme, I always talked to him first.

“I don’t know... I don’t feel like Hannah is being completely faithful to me. And I may have done something kind of psycho to prove it.”

The love of my life lay next to me in the back of the car. She was sleeping with her head resting on the seatbelt for support. It bobbed with the broken road. Dried tears lined her face and her brown hair which started wavy at the roots and turned curlier until it formed spring like loops at the ends blew almost imperceptibly from the vent up above. A soft blue blanket served as a barrier between us. The space was too small not to touch.

“Psycho?! Lol what’d you do? And more importantly, what did SHE do!?”

I looked over at Hannah. We had only been together four months now. Only four. But in that short span of time I had felt more for her than any other girl I had ever met. She was perfect. She matched me; fit me; accepted me for who I was. We had so much fun together. She loved to dance. Our first date was at a live music bar that walked the line between bar and club so closely that I and many others often referred to it as a club. We actually weren’t supposed to meet there. We had made dinner plans at a little place down town which would have been much more conventional and perhaps more romantic for your average pair. But I was held up by my friends and was over two hours late. I felt terrible. Usually, I would never blow somebody off like that, but I hadn’t seen this particular group of friends in over 3 years and quite honestly had just lost track of time. She was mad so she went to the club and told me I could come if I wanted to. I had ruined our evening, our first date ever. I walked in the club ready to try to make it up to her. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was and do the best I could to explain the situation. Everything was planned out on the way over there. That script was forgotten the moment I saw her. I was completely taken. She was beautiful.

“Well, this seems kind of petty but she’s been talking a lot to this guy that she had a thing with before she met me. I will see his name pop up on her phone all the time but then later when I ask her about it everything is always deleted. I’ve approached her about it multiple times but she keeps denying that it’s even true. So... I decided to look into it. And well, it turns out I was right.”

We knew we liked each other, of course. That’s the reason we agreed to go out. But I don’t think either of us expected to feel like this. Immediately I wanted to kiss her. She smiled at me. It was clear I had the same effect on her that she had on me.

“Wait hold up. How did you look into it? What were they saying? Anything bad?

“Well, you know I’m pretty good with techy stuff. I figured out how to get into her chat history. You can’t see anything except the receipts but the point is they have been talking all the time. I have been right about it and she is blatantly lying to me about it. … I feel as crazy as I should about doing something like that. But what’s disappointing is that I was right.”

Hannah knew the place better than I so she led me over to a corner where we could talk. When I had first walked into the bar I had noticed how absurdly loud it was. I have never been someone that has gone out a whole lot so places like these really kick me in the senses when I walk into them. The scent of alcohol and sweaty bodies hung as a warm fume in the air. People dancing and singing along with the blaring music came through my ear drums as an incomprehensible ringing. After only a few minutes my body had already broken out into a sweat from the heat. I felt very uncomfortable. I told myself that I would leave soon if I couldn’t find her. It was packed. I was weaving through the people up at the bar area when my eye caught her. As soon as I saw her nothing else mattered. All of a sudden, in a room full of confusion everything made sense.

“Okay, haha, first of all, yeah don’t do that! I think right now you are just feeling really pissed off and that’s why I say to take some time to calm down. Relax your mind a bit before coming to her. I’m not saying it’s not ok to feel upset, but I promise no good will come out of a conversation where you feel that way.

And yeah I get it dude. It’s annoying. But it’s your choice to stay with her or not! Again, this is a new relationship and you’re gonna uncover some baggage. And if it turns out she can’t help but flirt with other guys then sayonara! But I don’t think you’re at that point yet.

As for the lying part, that’s where you need to think of a non-creepy way to tell her you know what they’ve been texting. I’d probably say something like ‘After our conversation before, I saw he snapchatted you so I opened it and saw you two were having a conversation. I didn’t read it, but it does mean you were lying to me and that sucks.’ Something like that.

And sadly dude, people with deep rooted self-conscious problems have a hard time getting used to only one person. I’m not saying that’s how it’ll always be, but I’m sure it’s an adjustment! It’s not like this other guy is better than you in some way, it’s just another mouth to feed her compliments. I’m sure your girlfriend is committed to you man, but she has issues you and her are gonna have to work through together. Relationships are difficult at our age and you have to learn how to deal with these little bumps in the road.”

Hannah stirred next to me causing a group of curls to fall from where they were sitting on her cheek to her shoulder. I studied her face. It still looked just as beautiful as that night, if not more. Her teasing lips, oh how I longed for them. To touch them, to taste them, to feel them brushing up against mine like she had made them do so many times that first night. Because I had been so late she didn’t allow me to kiss her at first, but since we could both hardly resist my punishment was having to feel her soft mouth coming just close for the slightest feeling against mine. I longed to kiss her.

I looked back down at my phone and reread the message from Jess thinking it over. Hannah and I were absolutely in love. I had no doubt about it. But something had felt off from the start. Occasionally, she would say or do something in such a way that would make it seem like she was hiding something. These messages she was denying seemed to be the key.

Hannah stretched her arms out next to me and groaned sleepily. I reached out for her hand. She took it gently. Hers was sweaty.

“Hey baby.” She smiled at me. “Wutchu looking at?”

I thought for a moment before responding. The last thing I wanted to do was say something that I would regret. Jess was right. I needed to think about this rationally. I knew she loved me and if she said it was nothing then that was all that mattered.

I smiled. “Nothing, sweetheart. Just talking to Jess.”

“Oh?” She cocked her head. “About what?”

“Just our fight this morning...” I laughed meekly “He said I’m crazy.”

We shared a weak smile.

“I love you so much, Issac.” Hannah said after a moment. She clasped my hand between her two. “How can I make you feel better about this?” She paused anticipating a response but I had none. “Do you want to see my phone?”

I dropped my chin. How could I ever admit to her that I had violated her privacy? My heart felt small. I didn’t need to see her phone, or so I thought, but in the back of my mind I thought it might help anyways.

“Sure, yeah.” I shrugged.

She handed it to me and I took it knowing fully well that everything was already deleted. Because of this instead of going to her normal messenger app I opened a different one. One that I had never seen her use around me and thought that she really didn’t use at all. The first message I opened was from some guy I had never heard of before.

I couldn’t take it anymore. The teasing had become too much. The club was spinning, time was ticking, how long would it be before she actually let me kiss her! I had to keep trying. I wrapped my arms around Hannah’s lower back and pulled her in close smiling down at her feeling her heart as I looked into her gleaming blue eyes and leaned in for what seemed like the millionth time that night. This time she didn’t pull away or brush off playfully. My world went dark, my heart opened, when we touched lips all that existed was her. As we kissed my hands moved from her back to her face. I had no idea so much emotion could be released in such a short moment. We released and in the blink of an eye she was on me again and again. That was one of the best nights of my life.

What I read broke my heart. My body got hot. My stomach flipped. I could feel myself trembling. I looked over at Hannah. When she saw me looking at her I could see my own pain reflected on her face. There was nothing that needed to be said. I thought about when she had finally let me kiss her in the club. I had never felt such electricity in my life. I wish I had gotten to feel that one last time. We drove the rest of the ride in silence.