One Final Goodbye

Dear Angel,

Happy Birthday! Today marks your 43 birthday, or what was supposed to be. It’s been five years since we celebrated a birthday with you here on Earth. Let me tell you; it has been a very long five years. So much has happened, so many accomplishments, graduations, and milestones, and you weren’t there for any of them. I can only hope you were there in spirit, cheering me on from the other side.

Accomplishments such as getting my license, graduating high school, getting into college, finally figuring out my goals in life, and so much in between. You never got to meet the people I truly call family; I never got to chauffeur you around like I always promised, show you my work. All of the light and love that you brought into the world disappeared when you went away.

I was 16 when I got the call about you being in the hospital; I remember that day like it was yesterday. My youngest cousin called me to tell me that you had a stroke and that you had slipped into a coma, I knew in the back of my head that you weren’t going to make it. Although, I think we all as a family held on to false hope to keep our heads above the water.

I was offered to go and see you in the hospital; however, I denied the invitation because I didn’t want to see you in that state. I remember thinking that the last time I saw you was a few months before this occurrence, and I clung to that false hope that I would get to hang out with you again. That day never came.

I got a call from my mother when you died; she was sobbing when she told me that you were headed to paradise. I instantly froze, not believing what I was hearing, I began to bawl my eyes out in the middle of an ice arena, and in an instant, all eyes were on me. You were the first person I have ever lost in my life. I didn’t know how to react; I shut down. The whole family shut down. Our crazy, messed-up horror show of a family lost an enormous ray of sunshine in less than two weeks.

How did we go from ding dong ditching at three in the morning, freezing pants, swimming all day, leaving people in the church parking lots, using the U-Haul as a rental car, ghost hunting in the attic, carrying dressers up four flights of stairs, laughing, watching TV, and so much more, to you no longer being here to make memories anymore?

I believe that every family has at least one “cool aunt,” Let me tell you, you rock that title more than any other cool aunt on the entire planet. Your family loves you more than I think ever could be possible; we have just wacky ways of showing it. You never know how much someone truly means to you until they aren’t there anymore, and that is a lesson I learned when we lost you.

The story's moral is that we all miss you; I miss you more than anything in the world. I miss talking to you until ungodly hours, our endless sleepovers and adventures all over the place. There is a special place in my heart for you. I think about you every day. I will always regret not taking the opportunity to come and visit you that one day in the hospital to give you a formal goodbye; I would do anything to go back in time, but I can’t.

So this is my goodbye to you.

Goodbye, sweet angel; Happy Birthday.

Love,

Em