My Mother Made Me Resentful Towards Men

I know so many scorned women. My mother was full of resentments. My sister is full of resentment.

My best friend is full of resentments.

Women are often angry. Furious. They tend to unleash their anger on men.

Sometimes they can be emotionally abusive towards men. Men have done them wrong. Men have let them down. Men are to blame.

Resentment comes from unfulfilled expectations.

Why do women have so many expectations from men? Expectations are limiting. True love is unconditional.

My mother had to be always right. She would argue with my father whenever he disagreed with her. She had to be right.

She imposed her views onto us. She picked boyfriends for my sisters. She pressured me to study Economics because I will never make a living as a writer. She kept my father on the leash.

She was notoriously unhappy — because everyone around her was wrong. She tried so hard to make us see the world through her eyes. We were unable to.

Her resentment brought her death. In her 50s she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and died. Before she died, she blamed my father for her illness — if only he was there for her for the last 30 years of their marriage, then perhaps she would not have had cancer.

He was there. Every step of the way. He just could not do right by her.

My cousin took advantage of me. My cousin is selfish. She is 46-years old and has relied on me and my sisters to provide for her.

“She prays to God to never work in her life”, my grandpa said this about her.

He was a wise man. He was right. I bought her kitchen appliances, while my sister bought her and her family a flat.

I borrowed her $2000 and she put the money into her saving account. We don’t speak anymore.

Her own needs come first.

She beats her husband — she blames him for not earning enough to provide for her. When they dated he lied that he has a Degree in Computing, so she married him. Turns out he never passed his exams, and because of that he has a lower wage than she has expected him to have.

She can’t divorce him though — he still provides for her and their child.

But she can keep beating him. Over and over again, for lying to her about a Computing Degree 15 years ago. She lied about many more things.

Perhaps life will beat her up.

My friend wishes to erase her partners past. I am ashamed to admit this, but my good friend is a narcissist. She married a very nice man, who I respect very much.

He is divorced and has two children. My friend resents him for that. She is pregnant now and makes him choose between his children and their unborn kid.

My friend is very malicious. She has put inhumane expectations on him and expects him to abide, if he doesn’t she threatens suicide. Her partner should do something that he doesn’t wish to do, especially erasing his past, so my friend is resentful and furious.

Her unreasonable expectations along with her resentment are destroying their chance at “Happily Ever After”.

My sister feels she is not being heard in her relationship. My sister demands a lot. I used to call her Gestapo. She asked her partner to stop seeing certain friends that she doesn’t approve of.

She asked him to change jobs so he works from home and assists her more in the household. She asked him to take her last name.

He did.

Then she cheated on him and blamed him. He worked long hours, didn’t help her enough with their son, and had fewer vacation days than she would need. But most importantly he didn’t listen to her.

They are divorced now.

She believes that her voice wasn’t heard. I remember her screaming and putting him down on too many occasions. Trust me she is always heard.

The issue was that he did listen but he could not act upon her wishes due to many external factors. So he became incapable in her eyes and she cheated on him. Her resentment towards him led her into another man’s bed.

Funnily she wants him back now, even though he is not a “good listener” — she started therapy. I hope it helps.

I believed I am not appreciated enough. Sometimes I feel not valued enough. And that has led me to a lot of pain and having resentments towards my partner.

I’ve put significant time and effort into caring for him and I often felt that he doesn’t acknowledge my effort. But I’ve realized that he does appreciate and value me and that these resentments are not my own, they are my mothers.

He appreciates me because:

• He always says thank you no matter what.
• He never assumes about how I feel — he asks.
• He always asks for advice about small and big decisions.
• He never makes plans without consulting me.
• We share responsibilities together.
• He acknowledges important dates in our relationship.
• He makes me feel loved and cared for.

• He asks, asks, and asks. He always wishes to know how my day was.
• He considers my feelings and never belittles them.
• He is there for me every single day.

When I realized that I’ve been holding onto resentments in my life — I broke up with them once and for all. I have rewarded myself with a happy fulfilling relationship.

Feeling resentful in a relationship can be quite upsetting, but there are answers to what to do when you feel like that. Look deep within yourself and have an honest chat — why are you resentful?

Perhaps the day you let it go, other areas of your life will suddenly improve.

Thank you for reading and your support.

This article was originally published here.