My life story

In all my life I have never talked about myself in a positive way because I was always afraid that no one would like or love me in a way that I needed to be loved. In my childhood which I have no memory of except when I hear things from my mom what I did when I was a blue eyed with curly blond hair as a little girl. The next thing I knew my mom and dad got divorced, never saw my dad again in person and well my mom had met someone else to help her raise us four kids.

When I was growing up my brothers would torment me with any type of reptile in which I would go running away from them while screaming my head off, my sister and I never hanged out together, she had her own friends and did not wanted to hang out with me whatsoever. When I am a little older during a summer day a bee nest fell on my head and after that I would go outside during the summer and spring wearing a lot of layers so I would not get hurt again.

During my time living with my mom and her boyfriend, I was a person who was shy, quiet, kept to herself and never went out with friends because it was very hard to make. I was criticized often by my mom’s boyfriend for eating too slow, taking to long with the dishes and being called stupid on a regular basis because I kept to myself. When he was drunk or not, he would try and grab me and I certainly did not like it one bit, I scream for my mom and she would stop him. He eventually changed when I decided to move out with my then boyfriend and father of my girls in 1999.

I also had to deal with the fact that my older brother had sexually abuse me by doing things that at the time did not know it was wrong. After that I did not want to be alone with him ever again, I do not see or speak to either of my brothers because they are drug addict and failure to keep a job.

I have managed to have a so-called life with everything that has happened to me, I moved on with my boyfriend had 2 amazing children which are grown. I also had a son, but I had lost him, and everything started going down hill from there in are relationship, from my son dying to my youngest getting hurt to my kids taken away and finally getting them back. I felt like I could not talk to my boyfriend because he was in a deep depression over his son death, but I had to get on with my life and take care of 2 children that needed me more and I also went back to work while taking care of everything in my house. So, I started to open my self to a friend of mine from work, we got to know each other but I made the mistake of letting him get way to close that he kissed me. I was so scared to let my boyfriend know that my body was making me feel sick, so I opened to him and explain everything to him.

During the days and months that passed are relationship went down hill very fast, I closed off my friendship to my friend because my relationship to my boyfriend meant way more to me than anyone else. I tried so hard to make things work with trying to get help with are relationships with books, but I was being manipulated in doing things his way. I had to let him know where I was always and explain to him why I was late and prove to him why I stopped on a bridge to talk to my mom. I was scared to leave for the sake of my kids but also scared to stay as well because of the fighting. We have managed to solve things and have a united front when it comes to the children and he also got on with his own life with a new fiancé and child.

After a time on my own I started dating a man who I thought was good enough for me but that soon to be very wrong. With this man he has giving me a medical problem that is non curable. We lasted maybe 2 years and he broken my heart over a darn text.

So today I am a hard-working single mom trying to keep a roof over are heads and food on the table all for my children who mean the world to me, they will always come first. I have been searching or looking for happiness and love with someone who would feel the same way about me.

What I need in man is friendship, honesty, communication, affection, love, happiness, respect, and love for my children. I might be single for the rest of my life or find someone who knows.

My children are 14 years old and 10 years, one of my daughters has Attention Deficit Disorder along with Oppositional Defiance Disorder, she is making good progress with medication and with her friends around her makes it easier to cope with anything.

My life story is all written down here, it will continue to grow longer with all the small things I have I not experienced yet like travelling is a big thing I want to do because I had a very sheltered life, I want to explore new things with new people as friendships grow.

I have found a friend whom I have most stuff in common, I enjoy this person company because he listens to me about everything without judgement. I hope this friendship is going to go on for a very long time. I have discussed quite a bit with my friend that feels like I known them forever, I have opened more with this friend then I have with anyone else that I know and that includes my own family.