My “Get to Know Me” Challenge

This might be a little short because I honestly can’t think of much to say here (woof), but I’ll do my best!

1. I think I’m pretty funny sometimes. I used to want to be a writer for SNL. Now that I know that schedule’s way too crazy, I’m not sure how it will work itself into my life, but I hope to share more of my true voice and humor with people one way or another.

2. I love movies and television shows of all kinds. Growing up, I could never be found without my nose in a book. Books can be an amazingly healthy passion and pastime, but for me, it was often a way of dealing with the sense of discomfort I felt in my skin and traveling/escaping to another place. Now, to realize that (one of) my true passions is more along the lines of film storytelling is really interesting. It just shows that there’s a seed of truth in who you are that’s always there, but you never know how that seed is going to grow throughout your life.

3. My boyfriend and I have an Aussie named Bowie. I never considered myself a huge dog person, and honestly still don’t (he had her when we met), but Bowie is something special. Her emotional intelligence sets her apart for me, and I’ve thanked the universe for her nurturing presence many times.

4. I’m into crystals and saging and all that. This witchy thing is new for me. I can’t explain it either. I’m a pretty logical person. I don’t put a huge amount of stock into it in terms of “does it work or not”; I think it’s how something makes you feel that matters. All I know is it’s not something I’ve thought my way into–I’ve felt increasingly drawn towards these kinds of rituals lately, which lets me know that it’s coming from an authentic and healthy place.

5. I’m also into herbs. I’ve felt drawn toward and connected to herbs my whole life, but as a very celebral young person who thought I couldn’t even make toast without lighting it on fire (kidding, but only partly), I never did anything with it. I’m slowly learning more and more about herbs and am hoping to get some kind of certification in herbalism one day. I seem to be in a phase of my life where I’m learning that who I am is actually quite different in many ways than what I thought, and that’s both daunting (starting over always is) and cool.

6. As a kid, I rode the unicycle like a pro. This was always my fun fact for those get-to-know-you-thingies (lol, like this one) because I felt like I didn’t do much besides read and daydream, so I needed to have something cool on deck. At this point in life, the unicycle has lost a bit of its interest for me, but I’m excited to see where my passion for balance takes me next. (I’ve been feeling drawn toward aerial yoga???)

7. I used to apologize and self-deprecate. A lot. This is one of the reasons I was nervous to do this challenge, because I can still sometimes have a hard time talking about myself, but now the words seem to be flowing.

Whenever people told me I needed to love myself or own my gifts more, I would think, “But I do.” It was very confusing. I didn’t feel internally like this meek person they were describing at all, but I understood that that’s how I acted. Without going too much into the backstory (it’s not private, it’s just for another time), I’ve now learned that I’ve spent my entire life up until now in fawn state, which is one of a few reactions to nervous system dysfunction/overwhelm. Fawn state is like fight or flight, but a little different–overwhelmed with fear and cortisol, your body will do whatever it needs to to neutralize the perceived threat. Can look a little like spontaneous/uncontrollable people-pleasing that you immediately regret. Because so much of my trauma had and has to do with other people, my body would go into fear mode in these moments, and the apologizing would begin.

What I’ve learned? Probably the biggest wound most young children receive is the message that they are “too much.” Too much for you, too much for their peers, too much for the world. I’m going to make it my mission in life to ensure that this is no longer the norm.

8. At heart, I’m a writer. I think. I’ve always had a way with words, but those words admittedly seemed a lot more impressive when I was a precocious child spinning out stories among kids still learning the basics. Now, I’m not so sure. I still believe it’s my calling in life to communicate with the world in some way, but the more I find my voice, the more the medium seems to evolve. Maybe you’ll hear my voice on a podcast one day ;)

9. I grew up in San Francisco. That’s where I am right now as I write this, visiting my parents who moved back. It feels very full-circle to be writing these answers in my first home–the city that made me feel comfortable (enough) in my skin when so few things had the power to do that. Now, I live in SoCal. I don’t know what my future relationship to SF will look like, but it will always hold a special place in my heart.

10. I love people. It’s an interesting kind of irony (trying not to say curse) that I’ve felt so uncomfortable around people my whole life, because deep down, I really love people. I can never get enough of studying them and what makes them tick. It’s the most interesting and rewarding thing in the world to me.

During those periods of life when I’ve had great, true friends who brought me out of my shell, I’ve been the hostess, inviting everyone over and making everyone feel included. In this next phase of my life, that’s the me that I hope to step into. Gathering people together and showing them just how wonderful togetherness can be, when you feel free to be yourself.

Thank you so much, Kayleigh, for posting this challenge. I thought I wouldn’t have much to say, but it feels like it’s actually been quite healing for me 🫶 I love you all and thanks for reading.