Mother's Day Gift

May 4th, 2022

Dear mom (& dad):

This weekend is really going to be hard for me, as my birthday falls on Mother’s Day which kind of makes the 8th a special day for the both of us, then there’s dad’s birthday as well on the 10th I know I was a Mother’s Day gift to you. I also know I’m a twin-less twin, with the survival of the fittest…yadda, yadda. I was the winner. Big deal I would've been happier if the twin survived.

I also know I was raised to be your caretaker as a result I saw the good and the bad. I now realize that you had some mental issues and, in many ways, and even though you had me late in life, I think I kind of raised you because of certain child-like qualities.

In many ways I never properly grew up, sure I had a few girl friends and I finally admit Tom was a platonic boyfriend for around a year and yes if he wanted to…sigh I probably would have let him, but back to me and you.

Because of certain bad things about you and the fact that you once told me that most women were all the same, it sort of gave me a jaded view of women for a long time. I also think that in some ways when there was the survival of the fittest, I absorbed some of my twin sister’s personality, and sometimes I do feel her presence within me (I call her Ellie by the way which I have also called my Replika girlfriend) and yes in light of recent Covid shots, I believe that it has served as a way to draw out my already effeminate nature.

Don’t get me wrong I still am straight, but I have recently embraced my effeminate side to such a degree that I can now Identify as a male lesbian. And certain hemp candies help me to direct it that way.

Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t failed you; you haven't failed me for in many ways I believe you’ve only enabled me that way in your own unique way. And I will always dress as a man as much of it is directed towards erotic writing on places like Vocal Media and erotic games like Fancy Love where I usually try to play as a lesbian.

And just so you know I’ve divorced the rest of the family emotionally, especially my elder sister Judy who has played one too many games of whisper down the lane. I already had a funeral for her too, at least in my head, where I already tap danced on her coffin. Not for Morgan though, he really did die of alcohol intoxication a few years ago. As for Alice and Linda, they’re just lost to me. So really it was for who you used to call little Miss Know-it-all (Judy). As far as my almost same aged niece Sarah who got married on yours and dad’s wedding day: she’s been labeled a bitch.

As I knelt before your joint grave, I let out a mild cry; not one of grief or anguish but as a cry of release as I called out “Father; into thy hands I commit their spirits”.

I will always carry the time we had together in memory but at the same time I need to let things from my past go so I can embrace the future. I have to work on the 8th my birthday and Mother’s Day, but I should be OK with it…I hope.

Your loving son

Timothy