Mom & Wife's Secret "Second-Life" (after bedtime)

By now, I've been silently and gladly sittin' on this secret for over two years.. It's a secret I never actually intended on having, and I most definitely never thought something like this would end up being my family's "saving grace."..

Thinking back to life, "pre-secret," I am very certain that neither my husband nor myself ever actually thought for a second that this would exist in our reality- never exceeding mentions in cantor or bedroom talk.. It was just one of those exciting little ideas, almost like a fantasy.. My husband and I had toyed with the thought for at least five years before we finally reached that unthinkable point of pandemic-fueled desperation and a very specific brand of struggle- a circumstance which is more commonly known as "hitting rock bottom."

Now, if you haven't had the misfortune of hitting the all-time low of "rock bottom," honey, you keep doin' what you're doin' - cause it's workin' for ya! I pray that you never fall to this point of which I speak; because here's the thing about "rock bottom,".... It's the lowest of lower than you've ever been, 'low-low.' A crippling low that completely dismantles your pride and the relevance of all your hard work up leading to that point. God forbid you hit this point as a parent- when you've got hungry little humans counting on you- and only you- to feed them, let me tell you what: "rock bottom" is liable to pull you right out of character, because once you've bottomed out at that point, that means any and all of your 'preferred paths' and options have failed or expired- so the only thing left to do is literally whatever you have to do, by any and all means necessary.

Before we get any further into the "what," I want to touch briefly on the "why.".. Why was I fully and solely responsible for supporting our family during this time? I'm making a quick mention of a huge event, for the sake of clarifying that under normal circumstances my husband would have had everything under control. He is a small engine mechanic, and of course business would have been slower during the dawning of the pandemic- but we would have still been able to get by, had he been able to work... Yet, as luck would have it, a short time before 'the outbreak' of COVID, my husband had a bad motorcycle wreck, which left him with a head injury that changed life as we knew it. Getting used to these changes was no walk in the park, and me taking on the "head of household" role was just one testament of that fact. Of course, this incident is a whole separate story in itself- and one we will get to, in due time- but for now, let's get back to my little secret...

Here's where I was at about 2 years ago: caring for and aiding my healing husband, remaining active in the PTO and being as involved as ever with our child (plus a hint extra involved, considering filling in for Dad in the departments that he couldn't fulfill while recovering from the wreck); suddenly plagued with the burden of all of our bills quickly stacking and graduating to "cut-off notices"- because my little Etsy and Mercari shop earnings couldn't even put a dent in our debts.... Going out to seek work was out of the question, considering the amount of care and attention my own household demanded at the time .... I needed a miracle; a job with attributes of an "unheard of" nature... I had zero investment money and zero room for error or failure.. I needed something that I could do SAFELY, and anonymously, with no public contact, no risk by involvement of outside sources nor in-person interactions with strangers; something that required no training and no "licence" or degree ... Something with a large profit margin that would offer ongoing IMMEDIATE payouts ..... Fat payouts .... I needed to be able to do it from the comfort and privacy of my own home, and I needed to be able to start working as soon as, like, well- YESTERDAY!

So, I took to the internet and created accounts on a few different platforms, choosing those which provided the option of "geographic blocking" (aka: making my profile and uploaded content unavailable in my state of residence)*. Most of the apps or sites I chose required that I prove my identity and age by sharing a photo of my ID. Despite having to provide my legal name on the back end, I was able to create a "stage name" on the end that presents to the public. I uploaded all appropriate documents, for which the verification process took about 24 hours. Before I knew it, I had a small collection of "granted access" emails- which meant that I was officially permitted to share my nakedness with the internet!

...And that's just what I did.... I began creating adult content and uploading it - most I recorded on my own, some of which I employed my husband to co-star in. To my surprise, the success was pretty instant. The number of views quickly rose, meanwhile some viewers would even email me with requests to create specific content tailored to their preferences. Within a month, we were out of the debt that had previously plagued us- and finally living comfortably. Well, living comfortably and with a big fat secret, anyway.

When people ask about the work I do, I just say I do several different things online... I still run my Etsy and Mercari shops, and I also do some investing- so I tend to just hide behind those gigs when asked about work. I understand that I am being evasive, by intentionally leaving out my most significant means of income- but the thing is, considering my husband is 100% aware of every detail of the work I do, I genuinely feel that there is no one to whom i OWE an explanation. I have always been a "free-spirit," and someone who didn't concern myself with the opinions of others, but the thing about this subject specifically, is that I had to consider that this decision would NOT only reflect back upon myself- but rather upon my whole family. I am not just an individual at this point in my life: I am my child's mother; I am my husband's wife.... In these roles, I DO concern myself with the opinions of others, because I care significantly about those involved. That same regard for my family was, in fact, the driving force that encouraged my decision to involve myself in this work, in the first place.

Considering how quickly this work pulled us out of debt and into the realm of being financially comfortable: I regret NOTHING- and when I recall how often I used to just cry my eyes out, knowing I was helpless and incapable of supplying for my child's wants and needs- there is no question about the fact that I'd make the same choice I made ten times over. The only thing my husband and I have done by keeping this secret is, opt out of giving outside sources the opportunity to look down on us for doing it. But the fact of the matter is, it's just simply no one's business and therefore we choose not to be subject to (unwarranted and uninvited, biased) opinions and judgements.

Sure, money can't "buy happiness," but you know what money CAN do? It can buy FOOD and pay BILLS.... Which, ultimately, makes life a hell of a lot easier to live- and that's no secret!