Mess

Ugh, the dreaded laundry has to be done again. The floors haven't been washed or mopped and there is a HUGE stack of dishes that have to be done, but that is easier said than done when dealing with a roller coaster of emotions.

The mess is not even mine and it hasn't been mine for two decades, it was everyone else's. Not trying to pin point blame here. It is what it is.

I have been dealing with the stresses of employment, and to be quite frank with you, I have been torn of going back to work or staying home. That is a mess within itself.

I find myself yearning to stay home by the time I am a few weeks into employment, as it's not stressful and I am not dealing with everyone else's mess at the office. Like their personal lives, just adds more to conversation later when I am with my husband, but that is a mess that we are not supposed to share with one another.

Mess is not always about chores at home, but the outside world, dealing with other people or the politics behind every city or country. We deal with messes on a daily basis and some people would beg to differ whether they be good or bad.

My messes are pieces of my past, it is like I am stuck in that mess. I know I don't have to be stuck there. I am in the process of writing my own book, and it's creating a emotional mess, self inflicted if you will. That's not the point of my blog. I am merely just trying to live day by day, and not having to worry about cleaning one's mess up that doesn't belong to me. My mess is strictly emotional. They are not something that someone else that has to clean up. That is not their responsibility. It is ALL MINE.

You're probably thinking, "Oh this girl is strange." Yeah, I could be to some, I could be not to other people or maybe you could all relate on what I am trying to say.

You see it a lot, on social media. All news outlets, with that one comment "How do you think So and So is going to clean up that mess now?" and that is what I am talking about, all things do eventually spill over into our lives whether we let that mess seep into our thoughts or not.

Maybe you think that's what I mean by messes that I am cleaning up that aren't mine.

No. It's not.

When you are a young child, you a reflection of your parents through and through. When they have emotional trauma, so do you. And yes, that is a mess you carry with you all these years, days, months, weeks, hours. I could go on.

We inflict our messes onto other people without intentionally doing it. We vent, we feel better, then we pass that mess onto someone else to think about, and everyone is different. Whether or not it affects them or not.

That's the kind of mess I am talking about. When I was just a little girl, my parents had spilled messes into my life all the time. Mostly emotional. Emotional Displacement they call it. And that's where if as a kid you fall off your bike and it HURTS physically, your parents say to you "Just brush it off" "Don't cry about it!" that can cause a mess. Or if your best friend moves away to another country your parents tell you "Don't cry, you can't be upset! You'll make new friends!" can cause an emotional mess.

At the end of the day those are messes that I am still cleaning up. The messes my parents have caused. The messes that can only be cleaned up by medicine, and extensive therapy.

It's not always the soiled linen on the floor or the dishes being dirty. It's the mess that was created, not by me, but someone else, that has followed me into adult life.