Love Letter

All love letters always start with the same sentences. Here goes mine.

Dear XX,

How have you been? I hope you are doing fine. Well, I know that you're doing fine because sometimes I stalk your social media account. As much as it pains me to see that, at the same time I am trying to be happy for you.

It is such a shame how we end up like this. You used to be my go-to person. I didn't say much, but I really appreciate everything you had done for me. I expected too much from you and didn't trust you enough. That was my mistake that lead us to this situation.

At some point, I thought that you were the one for me. My end game. But, I let my anxiety and overthinking get me, hence the weird out behavior that you witness at the end of our relationship. I guess, my scar is still too deep for me to let go and heal.

I was hoping that you will at least fight for me, but I was too blinded by my own fairytale I failed to see that you have been trying. I always accused you of something that you didn't do and then proceed to ignore you for days. I know you have also been frustrated with me. A few times, you scolded me but me being stubborn and ego, I ignore all of it.

I know at some point, you already had enough of my behavior. I push you away and now I am paying the price. I keep blaming you, I make you the villain in my story and for that I am sorry.

I am sorry I keep blaming you for something that you didn't do. I didn't be honest with you when you ask me to. You ask me to express my worry to you multiple times, so don't assume something. but I am always stubborn and we end up fighting the same thing repeatedly. I am sure, you are as tired as I am. The difference between us is that I still want to make things work but I can tell you have given up a long time ago and I completely understand why.

I am sorry for making your life difficult, I am sorry for being too ego for you. I have my reason and I've never told my past to you as well. I guess it is true that you need to heal before getting into a new relationship. And that's exactly what I've been doing.

I hope you are happy with the new person you are with now. She put a smile on your face. It hurts, I admit but I know that I can't ever be the one for you. I admit that I am jealous but I put myself in this kind of situation. It is not fair for you if I keep holding on to you when you deserve to fly away from me and find your own happiness.

Once again, thank you for everything that you've done for me, you have made me the happiest woman in our short time together. And now we're only strangers with memories.

Love, XX

P/S: When I pray for your happiness, I mean it because you deserve to have someone who can give you the world. Sadly I am not her.

I know that he won't be reading any of this but I feel relieved to pour my heart out through this letter. I just hope that this can be a sort of solace to me too and I can move forward. If we are soulmates, we will find each other again. Finger cross.