Letter to the Other Woman

Dear "Other Woman,"

In response to your recent letter, I must say I feel sorrier for you than I do for myself. I was not the one who had been cheated out of the joys of life. It was you! You admitted my husband never took you anywhere but kept you behind closed doors, away from the world. How sad!

After reading your letter, I was initially hurt and bitter. At first, I wanted vengeance for you and my husband. Then, I had second thoughts. After your affair, my husband and I have been communicating even more. We have come to realize that we are the lucky ones because this has made our marriage stronger. We had two choices.

1. We could either let the affair destroy us.
2. Or we could let it bring us closer together.

I am happy to inform you that it was the latter. I have forgiven him, but this by no means indicates that I condone his (or your) behavior. What both of you did was morally wrong, but I admire him for finally ending the affair.

Your relationship probably started when he gave you the old age line of "not being satisfied at home." Your affair developed because you were trying to win his love even though he is married. Didn't it bother you to be number two? Didn't you feel that you were the one who was deprived of the fulfillment of a real relationship? You must have put your life on hold for the last three years, waiting for him to call or to see you. You probably had to constantly adjust your daily activities to be available for him on the spur of the moment when he had a block of time.

The loser was definitely you, "the other woman." You were the one bruised by the affair. Married men usually don't divorce their wives for women like you. And in the event they do get a divorce, it is not "the other woman" they choose to be the second wife. So you would have lost even if he hadn't come back to me.

I am sure you are on an emotional roller coaster that has left you depressed. Having the affair with my husband has retarded your life, not mine. You settled for less for so long. I hope you can pick up the pieces and get on with your life. The three years you spent with my husband can never be recaptured. Perhaps if you had been spending time with someone of your own, you would be married by now. Since that is not the case, I truly hope you will not repeat the pattern by having an affair with another woman's husband.

Because of my husband's infidelity, we are working harder on our marriage. We have to get on with our tomorrows and not look back on the last three years. I have learned valuable lessons from this unfortunate situation. Because my husband had an affair with you does not indicate that he is not a good husband to me or a good father to our five minor children. The affair has not jeopardized our marriage. Instead, it has enhanced a union that will continue to exist. So do not think you wrecked our home. My husband found himself in time. He has promised to put forth an extra effort to make our marriage work. And I believe him.

Perhaps you have learned several lessons from that unhealthy situation. The most important lesson you should have learned is that no matter how exciting an affair is with a married man, or how perfect the relationship seems to be, it rarely lasts!

Sincerely,

The Forgiving Wife

P.S. Don't hold your breath waiting for me to let my husband go. I meant my marriage vows when I said them!

Read the original letter

Letter from the Other Woman to the Wife