Lessons in Friendship

She told me I was lucky she was too kind to sleep with my husband and she respected me.

I paused in numbness. Life felt like a slow blink.

Wasn’t it basic human decency not to cheat on her husband with another woman’s husband?

Did it really need to be said out loud?

It feels a lot like someone saying “just so you know, I will not murder you in your sleep. I really respect you too much for that.”

Oh? Were the words meant to be endearing and comforting? Or a veiled threat?

She had fooled around with my brother, brother-in-law and more men than I have fingers to count on. She also had plenty of time to spend an absurd amount of time bullying me directly, indirectly, going on a years long slander fest against me, and neglect her three children in the process of this all. She was sure to throw what she did with my brother in my face, telling me I was a fool for caring about my brother. He was an awful person, according to her. Every relationship in my life she weaved her webs until she sowed her seeds of discord. Did I trust her "caring" words about my husband? Not for a second. I knew given a chance she would do so in a heartbeat.

People comment she’s so beautiful on her social media. { I eventually blocked her everywhere for the second time and changed my number } I don’t see what they see. I saw her evil side, and the hollowness. Aesthetically she is dull, to me, there is no one home in those eyes, no genuine inner sparkle. Even inner beauty aside, the external is "meh." Things never really added up. Maybe beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. I stare at people who are bamboozled, what they see is hard to piece together. How she had power over others the way she did remained a mystery for a long time. Maybe she played on people's insecurities, pain, threatened and used emotional manipulation? An ex friend of hers warned me what she was capable of, and at the time I was still to naive to get it. Eventually, I did. The power she had over me was the threat of slander, and lies she would tell people if I stopped being her friend. She eventually did. She also used common narcissistic manipulative tactics. It’s like she read the playbook cover to cover. I saw her dark side, and there was no turning back easily. It wasn’t mystery. I thought I could outsmart it, and work around it. Avoid getting slandered, make her a better person and everyone would win. Living in a small town and community the threat of slander is equal to that of death. But there was also a death threat. It's important not to forget that shady veiled stab. And stalking, which she did. After the stalking she told me "I don't understand why you wouldn't just say you didn't want to be friends?" Ummmm, I did. Plus I was under the fear of consequences if I didn't at least be friendly with her. The mind games didn't stop until I left my small town and cut all contact properly after I healed enough to have the courage to do so. My body was already ripe in wisdom. It did what it needed to survive by trying to make it work out for the better.

Did I spot the signs before all the bad happened? Yes, but I was young and naive believing seeing the good in people was most important.

The most painful life lesson I learned is to stop seeing the good in people. Now I see the totality of a person. All of us have an endearing side, it’s what we do with our darkness that matters. If you can learn one thing from me today, don't see the potential. See all that is, the good, bad and the ugly.

Did she sleep with my husband? Not exactly, but almost as bad.

More stories coming in this series…

~ Xena Grace