Killed by Kindness :The unfortunate Impact of Kindness on Your Life

Yes. My son killed himself when he was twenty. He was handsome, brilliant, funny, and I loved him beyond anything or anyone on earth.

He and his stepfather always referred to me as “cookie mom”. Anything that was wrong in his life I would try to fix. Lonely? Get him friends (I let his friends live at my house all summer). Relationship? Set him up on dates with the daughters of friends. School troubles? Find a way around a difficult class or negotiate with the college to give him an extra semester to bring his grades up.

I gave him too much money, too many things. I smoothed his path, I even went in and took out his bad emotions, because that’s what I do for a living. I gave him a car, fixed his car, cut his hair, bought his clothes. Home schooled him so that he wouldn’t experience strife or struggle with his peer group. His happiness was my sole concern.

He was a hothouse flower. At the first real sign of trouble he crumpled because I had never taught him independence or that people can be cruel or indifferent.

In trying to be the best mom, I was the worst mom. It probably would have worked if he’d had siblings, but I had 14 miscarriages trying to give him one. He was my miracle child and I over mothered him.

IMAGE LINK: HASTYWORDS

SUMMARY

The heartbreaking story shared here delves into the immense love and tragedy experienced by a mother who lost her son to suicide at the age of twenty. In a profound confession, she reflects on the ways in which her overprotective nature and excessive devotion may have inadvertently contributed to his struggles.

The mother describes her son as a remarkable individual—handsome, brilliant, and funny. Her love for him surpasses anything else in her life. She recalls how they shared a special nickname, "cookie mom," and she was always ready to fix any problem that arose in his life. Loneliness, relationships, and academic challenges were all met with her relentless efforts to provide immediate solutions.

Her dedication to her son's happiness was all-encompassing. She went to great lengths to make his life easier, even allowing his friends to live in their home during the summer. She admits to giving him excessive money and material possessions, acting as his emotional buffer and taking away his negative emotions. As a professional in a field related to emotional well-being, she believed it was her role to shield him from pain.

In hindsight, she realizes that she had become an enabler, preventing her son from experiencing the essential life lessons of independence and resilience. Shielded from the realities of the world, he was ill-prepared to face genuine challenges, and when adversity struck, he crumbled. The mother recognizes that her intentions to be the best mother may have inadvertently prevented him from developing crucial coping skills.

She acknowledges the absence of siblings in her son's life, as she had suffered numerous miscarriages in her attempts to provide him with a brother or sister. As her miracle child, she poured all her love and attention into him, inadvertently fostering a dependence that proved detrimental.

This heartfelt narrative serves as a cautionary tale about the fine line between nurturing and smothering. The mother's unconditional love, while profound, unintentionally robbed her son of the opportunity to develop his own resilience and self-sufficiency. In her quest to protect him from pain, she inadvertently exposed him to the harsh reality of the world without the necessary tools to navigate it.

This story is a poignant reminder of the importance of finding a balance in parenting, allowing children to experience both the joys and hardships of life. It encourages reflection on the role of independence, resilience, and personal growth in shaping individuals' ability to face adversity.

Ultimately, this mother's candid reflection serves as a powerful reminder for parents and caregivers to foster independence and emotional resilience in their children, even in the face of overwhelming love and the desire to shield them from pain.