It's Not Easy To Leave The Door Closed And Walk Away From Disrespect

“Close some doors today. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they lead you nowhere.” — Paulo Coelho

When I can't let a painful memory go, I imagine a door like the one above. The image is healing, the picture of an ugly damaged door, an entrance into something brutal, unrewarding and unhealthy: a door which leads you nowhere and reminds you to be grateful for all the beauty in your life.

Great advice for your peace of mind and mental health. Constantly opening up old wounds and re-examining them rarely leads to healing. It's easy to get triggered by those playing Machiavellian games with you.

But, what if you made it into a Comedy, Dark Humour is often the funniest.

When I was a child a group of youths pushed me into a nettle patch. It was such a spiteful thing to do, the stinging hurt for ages. I spent so much time trying to understand why they did this ... and then years later I met a homeopath. Out of the blue he said "Nettles boost your immunity, and ease joint pain". That was one answer, now I take a nettle supplement for my joint pain.

The Story of Brer Rabbit (c19th Century)

The exploits of Br’er Fox and Br'er Rabbit are African American trickster stories from the 19th Century,

In one such story, Br’er Fox had caught Br’er Rabbit and this time Br’er Fox said he was going to cook Br’er Rabbit and eat him up for good! Br’er Rabbit was mighty scared. He begged, “Oh, Br’er Fox, I don’t care what you do with me, so long as you just don’t throw me in that briar patch over there. Go on and barbecue me up, Br’er Fox, but please don’t throw me in that briar patch.”

Br’er Fox said he was going to roast him anyhow, but when he went to hang Br’er Rabbit up over the fire, he found he didn’t have any string to tie him up with. “Well, I guess I can’t roast you,” Br’er Fox said. “I guess I’ll have to drown you instead.” Br’er Rabbit pleaded, “Oh, Br’er Fox, go ahead and drown me then, just so long as you don’t throw me into that briar patch!”

“Well,” said Br’er Fox, “it looks like there’s no water around here to drown you in. I guess I’ll skin you instead.” “Okay, Br’er Fox, no problem,” chattered Br’er Rabbit, “Go ahead and skin me, cut out my eyes, cut off my legs, just don’t throw me into that briar patch!”

By this time, Br’er Fox had gotten the idea that Br’er Rabbit really, really didn’t want to get anywhere near that briar patch. Br’er Fox wanted to hurt Br’er Rabbit as bad as he could, so he took Br’er Rabbit by the legs and threw him right smack into the middle of that briar patch. He heard a lot of rustling and crackling when Br’er Rabbit landed, and he waited around to see what terrible thing was going to happen.

But a few minutes later, he hears somebody calling, “Oh, yoo-hoo, Br’er Fox! Over here!” and he looks – and he sees Br’er Rabbit, sitting on a rock, combing the tar out of his fur with a stick. “Didn’t you know, Br’er Fox,” called Br’er Rabbit. “I was bred and born in the briar patch! Bred and born!” And he hopped away.

I have never been able to understand why people are spiteful, and hope that I never do understand it. I imagine it's as a result of their own insecurities to feel superior and play down their own failings, but I don't know.

Not that it helps one bit when you feel enraged, and a volcano is erupting inside!

Often it comes as a spiteful casual comment to bait you into an argument as they try to show others how unreasonable you are. Sometimes it's a sneering Facebook post, it would be so easy to respond and play into their hands. The people who behave like this are so often narcissists trying to portray themselves as victims.

Several times a week, I have to tell myself, 'the door is closed ... leave it closed ... don't open it again ... WALK AWAY!' Easier said than done, it has taken me every bit of homespun wisdom to get to this point. I have learned that some people love conflict and arguments. They just can't help poking the bear to get a reaction!

Many years ago an astrologer was looking at my birth-chart and said "what happens when you get angry?" I told her that I rarely got angry because it frightened me so much. But sometimes I needed that anger for physical work.

It's also healthy to try and analyse why certain actions or statements from others are so upsetting. What is it about us that make us so sensitive to this type of behaviour? Is it our pride? Is it unresolved trauma that we need to work through?

Now that I'm older I have the courage to ask "why are you being so spiteful?" Usually greeted with Silence!

My brother went one step further when a work colleague didn't stop trying to rattle him. My brother was known as 'beautiful James' the other guy looked like a potato head. He said to this guy 'have you ever considered working a bit harder on your personality, because you've got nothing going for you - it's not like you're going to get a date with Miss World'. That stopped the bullying dead!

Thank you for reading to the end, I hope this story helped with your situation.

Acknowledgements: The Uncle Remus tales are African American trickster stories about the exploits of Brer Rabbit, Brer Fox, and other “creeturs” that were recreated in Black regional dialect by Joel Chandler Harris.