Is Life Chasing You Or Are You Chasing Life?

- “The only thing constant in life is change”-Heraclitus. While reading this you might think she might got some answers to why the hell I’m lost, or even how can I change my way of thinking but truthfully I don’t. By the end of writing this I will have mastered my mind, my body , my soul and what it all needs not wants. While self mastery can be intimidating, our biggest enemy can be ourselves. Battling with our mind, fighting our decisions and for many losing a positive self expression . Taking the time to self evaluate is taking the time to learn who you are now and what’s in store next! But always remember it all controls your destiny.

1- My Mind

Do you believe it’s possible not to wonder, assume or even doubt? . For me my mind is my reality and also my biggest enemy. Whatever I think, believe, or feel my mind is instantly convince thats what reality is and that’s what it becomes! My mind bullies thoughts until my assumption are the only thing that’s left BUT If we don’t believe ourselves… these thoughts we ourselves think …. What should we believe ? How should we process these thoughts, these assumptions that can possibly be reality . Well let’s look at what are assumptions? They are things that we accept is true or certain to happen without proof . So what are thoughts one may ask himself…. Flows of ideas and associations that can lead to logical conclusions. And these logical conclusions can sometimes become so strong that we tend to allow our brain to put the idea or whatever in a assumption best for you to understand. This poses the question do we as humans assume our reality more than we think about our reality ? My answer to that would be YES! Our brains does a thing I like to call “self diagnostic “. During this time you allow your thoughts to become either comprehensive or you result into assuming, wondering, doubt or even shutting down… assuming what could happen , or what should happen, or even filling in missing blanks you have no clue where to start.This is when quality of your thoughts should kick in. It sad to say I as a person didn’t think I was mean or being mean but my quality of my thoughts actually wasn’t the best due to them all resulting in assumptions.Anytime something would occur I automatically being to think how, what, why, when and end up with a assumptions that I could only understand tricking the mind to react without proof, then I began to think well if each time i think …I assume.. then my reality of life is only based off things that haven’t even happened that I’ve accepted with no physical proof. I had allowed my quality of thoughts to become assumptions, doubts, wonders … which only lead my own hell…So how do I get into the MINDSET of not letting my assumptions take over my thoughts or not letting them go farther than my mind and letting go.

UPDATE: while everything I said still sticks , I’ve expanded on the

Steps Moving foward

1. Start my day off with morning meditation- For the past week I have been doing meditation morning, sometimes evenings and at night. Each time I’ve did this I felt either a weight was lifted or my mood change drastically.

2. Allow my Thoughts to remain thoughts and not allowing them to wonder into assumptions that trigger me to react off what I assumed.

3. Be open minded and forgiving- allowing myself to understand just as much as I make mistakes others do as well and it’s ok to forgive and move forward.

4. Most importantly LAUGH/SMILE- Happy people don’t walk around with their head low and their face frowned. Feel my happiness from the inside and let it shine on the outside.

2- My Body

As a female you tend to pay more attention to your body then males. This is for two reasons either your loving something about it or finding yourself picking at every insecurities on your body. For me I stood in the mirror for 5 years confused on my body, questioning myself about my body, and beating myself up about everything wrong with my body. The main thing for me was the way my pretty face look didn’t match a pretty body. Then I had some medical issues that basically change my body so it’s kinda of like I got my wish but Without no sign , no hesitation, no force I went from 160 Lbs to currently 105lbs. I didn’t have much time to process each pound I lost .it just happened in a snap.Most people thought I was doing all kinds of drugs , A lot of people ask me did I get surgery and then there’s a couple who believe this was a great transition. For so long I wanted to change my body but when it finally changed I was lost. Idk what to do with the last body and now Im transitioning into struggling in this body. Should l be happy and excited in this body, even though I never even loved my old body? Well my mind has been playing a guilt trick on me for the past 2 years.. convincing myself that it was wrong to be comfortable in this body because I never took the time to love that 160lb body. When I first started writing this I was going to write about my body first but I realized I had to conquer my mind first. My mind was trying to convince my heart and my body not to get comfortable. It started to feel like my mind became used to punishing/ being too hard on myself the minute I became too comfortable with anything. AND because my mind was actually Clouded by everything in my past I couldn’t accept my future like my heart wanted to. I’ve been in this body for the past 2 years and its taken 2 years to realize I how much more comfortable I’ve been in this body. I used to be scared to look at my own body naked but the minute I took the time to look I loved it truthful I didn’t want to cover myself any more.. So I think it’s safe that because I took the time to get to know my mind, I got a chance to know my body and after all I love every inch of it.