I will love you to the last breath

Alba - 17 years old

Life?

That was written on the board. What do we think about life?

I pounded on the bench and bit my lip.

For me, life was as complicated as it was simple.

It never existed for me, what am I going to do after high school, maybe medicine? Or not, maybe an architect?

These have never been problems I have faced. The only thing I have to deal with is to raise as much money as possible and after I graduate I will be able to disappear.

To run away from everything my life means. To run away from the mother who is not really a mother, that is, apart from the fact that she gave me life. Let me run away from her and her long list of lovers that are changing so fast that I can barely keep track of them. But anyway, they all have something in common. They are either alcoholics or drug addicts.

And my mother takes drugs with them, in our kitchen or in the living room, and she doesn't care if I'm there. In fact, he doesn't care about me at all.

I want to run away, let go of this miserable life I have right now, and not look back.

***

The bell rings and all the students get up from the benches. I get up too, put my notebook and pen in my shabby bag, and hurry out of the classroom, passing through the groups of students who are crumbling around me.

In the parking lot, with a wide smile on his thick lips and leaning on his engine, Cole is waiting for me.

I can't help but smile when I see him.

-Hey, princess!

I frown and he laughs because he knows how much he annoys me when he tells me that.

He gets on the motorcycle and nods at me:

-Do you climb once or do you want to walk?

I roll my eyes but climb up behind him. I put my arms around his body and he starts.

I love the feeling of butterflies in my stomach that I get every time I ride Cole on a motorcycle.

I cling tighter to him and rest my head on his back. Deep down.

I hold on tighter to Cole ... that's what I've been doing all my life, I've clung to Cole and he's clung to me, and that's how we both managed to last 18 years.

Cole lives in the same notorious neighborhood as me. It's just that my mother didn't care about me at all, just that while she's still alive, she can get money from the state and buy the dust that steals her mind. Besides, she cares about Cole's mother. by him. And he cared about me too. Sometimes, when he fed Cole, he fed me, even though they didn't have much either. Once upon a time, his mother worked a full month for two hours at work to give Cole a birthday trip to the zoo. He wanted to take me too so we went together and it was the best day of my life as a child. At that time, although it was difficult for me, although I had nothing to eat for more than half the time, I went to school with dirty and torn clothes, at that time I still thought that things would get better. I kept imagining that maybe my mother would wake up from her imaginary world induced by harmful substances and that she would start to get over me. But it's been almost 18 years since he had a chance to change, and of course, nothing has changed.

Things went better for a while with the help of Cole's mother, it went better for us. But when we were only 10, his mother became ill. Lung cancer in the last stage. They had no money for treatment and his mother died shortly afterwards.

I still remember Cole. With his ruffled blond hair and his green eyes so sore and tangled, holding his mother's hand in the last moments and his cry when the child protection came to pick him up and take him to a childcare center. placement.

I haven't seen Cole in three months. I didn't know anything about him for three months. I lived without knowing if I would ever see him again.

That was the hardest time of my life. Then I didn't even care that I had never met my father. I didn't care that my mother didn't love me and didn't give me two bucks. Then all I wanted was to see Cole again.

And somehow, at a time when the universe was generous with me, it brought me back.

Cole was adopted by a distant uncle who had taken care of him only for the money he received, just like his mother, but Cole and I didn't care. All that mattered was that we could be together again.

I feel the engine stop and then I come back from dreaming. I jump off it and go to the edge of the lake.

I hear footsteps behind me and I know Cole is coming after me.

I get down on the waterfront and Cole sits down next to me:

-I brought lunch!

I turn to him and see a brown bag fluttering in front of me with a divine scent.

I grin and reach for the bag. I take out a large pretzel with cheese and start eating it:

-Oh, look, pretzels and donuts. A lunch full of vitamins and nutrients.

Cole grins at me too:

-Don't be so pretentious, princess!

I roll my eyes and put one in his arm and then we both squirm.

After we eat the pretzels, I lie on my back to look at the sky and it does the same. We look at the shapes of the clouds and see some birds flying.

I wonder what it's like to be so free. Simply flap your wings and get up in the air. Above all. Feel the wind as you float. As you fly away, wherever you want:

-I wish I was a bird! I confess to Cole,

"Why?" I heard him ask

. I look at the birds in the sky once more

.

I feel Cole next to me nodding his head because he understands. We've both been in a free fall for a while and it's only a matter of time before we start to see the bottom of the abyss and then just hit it and turn to dust. Alba - 17 years old

Cole leaves me in front of the house around midnight.

I always try to get home as late as possible so I hope to avoid any encounters with my mother or her boyfriends.

I wave to Cole and walk to the door. I open it carefully and as soon as I set foot in the house, my heart starts beating faster.

I walk carefully down the hall. I hear snoring in the living room and I know Ray hurts there. I hold my breath and walk down the hall to get to my room.

I only breathe again when I close the door behind me.

My room doesn't look like a 17-year-old girl's room at all. I don't have posters, pictures, drawers full of makeup or jewelry boxes.

All I have is a bed in the middle of the room. A table that I consider an office and another small piece of furniture with three drawers where I keep my clothes, which are not many at all.

I take off my shoes and take off my clothes and go to bed.

I'd like to take a shower but the bathroom is in the hallway and I don't want to risk waking Ray up so I close my eyes and go to bed.

***

Although it's Saturday, I wake up faster than a teenager my age would.

In fact, I wake up faster than most people on a day off.

I quickly go to the bathroom and put on a pair of old jeans and a simple black T-shirt, leave my brown hair loose and slip out of the house.

Cole sleeps more on Saturdays and then goes to the workshop where he works. Cole is a year older than me and finished school last year. He is very good at everything related to cars and their parts, so he found a job.

We both raise money so that when I finish high school we can implement our plan and get out of here.

When I walk in the door of the small restaurant, the doorbell rings. Ruth, the restaurant owner and my boss, smiles at me.

-Good morning dear!

"Good morning, Mrs. Ruth!"

I go behind the counter, take an apron and tie it to my back. It's part of the restaurant uniform.

Mrs. Ruth is a woman in her 50's who opened a small restaurant with her husband, and now I'm her employee. I really like her, she is very gentle and she never gets angry, not even when at first I was still trying to get customer orders.

***

My Saturday schedule ends at seven o'clock in the evening. I greet Mrs. Ruth and her husband before I leave.

I'm on my way to the workshop where I know I'll find Cole.

It's somewhere in a backyard in the back of town. It has a hall and there are open cars in the yard.

I've been listening to music since I walked in the gate.

I smile when I see Cole leaning over the engine of a car with his T-shirt glued to his body from sweat. It hums with the song and I burst out laughing.

He turns and looks at me. "

Have you come, princess?"

I approach him and sit on the edge of the car:

-I told you not to tell me like that. And yes, I'm here.

I nod to the car:

-Do you do anything here or just practice your musical talents?

He knows I'm teasing him so he starts laughing.

-Oh, some of us are still working, princess! Didn't you know that bread is earned with sweat?

He knows all too well that I know this. I see a grin on his face:

"Actually, I don't think you know."

He puts down the cloth in his hand and opens his arms wide to me.

I scream and jump out of the car and he starts running after me.

-Don't come near me, Cole!

-Oh, come on, I just want to give you a hug!

He grabs my hand and pulls me into his arms and I scream and giggle. I squint when I hear him laugh.

"Leave the girl alone, and go to work, Cole!"

I smile when I see Mick, Cole's boss coming out of the hall. Cole lets me go and I go to Mick and hug him. "

How are you, kid?"

-I work as hard as I can.

He nods. Mick is one of my favorite people. Probably one of the only ones I would miss if I left town. Probably him and Mrs. Ruth.

He lets me sit and watch Cole while he works and he tells me all sorts of interesting stories from his youth. I know that he has no children and that he has never been married, but that his heart is taken by a girl he went to high school with. He was an angel. He always tells us and Cole rolls his eyes when Mick doesn't see him and grins at my accomplice.

When Cole's done, we get on his engine and head into town.

It's not like we can afford to eat at an expensive restaurant or something, so we stop by a grocery store and buy some products to prepare something for dinner.

I've always liked to cook and I might be pretty good at it, but I don't have much time to practice my talent. Unless you pay attention when I cook for Cole and I or when I make a hamburger or a slice of french fries at work.

Some people read culinary magazines, but all the food there contains ingredients that I can't afford, and if I could afford them, I wouldn't have a kitchen to use them. My home kitchen is dilapidated, and only then can I imagine what Ray's face would look like when he sees me stirring in a bowl as I take a countertop out of the oven and garnish it with chocolate while he and my mother pull something on their noses. No thanks.

Cole's kitchen isn't much better either, but his uncle lets us use it as long as we leave him food.

I prepare the chicken breast and make a salad with potatoes. I even took some biscuits and soaked them in coffee and poured melted chocolate over them for dessert.

After we eat, Cole puts the plates in the sink:

-It was delicious, Alba!

-Thanks!

He leans against the sink and looks at me.

"I wish things were different."

I nod because I understand what he means:

-Yes, me too.

Usually neither Cole nor I let the dark thoughts weigh on us. We try to accept as much as we can and get over everything:

-But at least in a few months we will finish high school and then we will be free.

I smile at him:

-Free.

He smiles at me too:

-Free. No one to tell us what to do. No parents who don't want us. Only the two of us. Free forever.