I Was Raised A Sore Loser, Here’s Why I’m Trying To Unlearn That

I entered the Vocal Media fantasy prologue challenge in high hopes that I would win. I didn’t; I fell flat on my face and didn’t even break the top 25. My story, “The Cure For The Pox”, is one of my favorite short stories that I’ve done. Despite positivity by support-bound friends, it didn’t manage to impress anyone else.

The old me would be spiraling into a negative depression, but that’s not who I am anymore. The winning story, “The Bridge Burners” by Jen Gossoo, was objectively better than mine, at least to the shadow judges. I read Jen’s story this morning, and while it is a great piece of writing, I still prefer my own baby. Still, I’m sending her congratulatory vibes for my own health. May she get anything she wants.

Here’s a confession, albeit not unique to me: I’m sensitive when it comes to my writing. My psychology is wired in a way that I believe writing is the only worth I have in the world. So, to fail is devastating. It’s like confirmation that my writing, and by extension my identity, is meaningless. I have to fight that conditioning with all my willpower.

I learned to be a sore loser by those around me when I was a child. As if winning was the only way to prove that we mattered. I’ve since been trying to accept that I matter no matter what. It’s a hard lesson to learn, but learning from failure is important for success.

I love my writing and creations, but no one else has to. Our existence isn’t made worthy by the things we produce, but the things we produce are what makes our existence worthwhile. I’m going to take my fantasy prologue, refine it as much as possible, and then send it to an agent. I know someone is out there waiting to read it.

It would have been helpful for the Vocal Media team to provide some sort of feedback. Though there were thousands of entries, taking a second to write one comment would mean the world. Instead, I’m left wondering what was wrong with my story. Maybe that’s better, because I can polish my work according to higher standards than some shadow judge.

I’ll have some unconscious bitter feelings for the rest of the day, but not toward Jen or the Vocal team. I just can’t help but think I should have prepared better. Maybe I should have written a few hundred more or less words. Maybe I should have immersed the reader a little better. Who knows? I look forward to developing this story.

I told a friend the other day to work happier, not harder. I need to start taking my own advice. The purpose of doing the things we love shouldn’t be to win or be better or wealthier. At least I don’t think so, because those traits will come more often than not if we work happy and are happy while we work. I’d like to be happy.

Let me be a lesson to those who have hopes of doing well in their endeavors. Take your time, know your craft is never perfect, and look at things with gratitude. I’m not going to stop writing because of one loss, because the war is not over. I’ll punch this keyboard with my fingertips until I’ve written a hundred million words. Even then, I’ll still have a hundred million more to write.

Another congratulations to Jen, who may never read this. I chose not to link her story because Vocal has weird algorithms to catch plagiarism. If you’re interested in reading her prologue, go to https://shopping-feedback.today/challenges%3C/a%3E and she’ll be the most recent winner.

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