I Messed Up Big and Now I’m Getting a Divorce

You know, you can be truly good to someone, treat them with kindness, respect, and love, and ruin it all by having one off-night. You’re only as good as your loyalty. Trust me, I know this now. It truly sucks and I’d give anything to go back and change it.

I was invited to my best bro’s birthday party last night. It was a big one, he was turning 40. The big Four-Oh. We’ve been friends since we were in our 20s, and to say we’ve been through a lot together, that’s a huge understatement.

He’s been habitually single for almost the entire time I’ve known him. He did have a couple of short relationships here and there throughout the years. But the single life and partying ways were his norms. The dude has always lived life to the fullest.

Once I met my Bride and we settled in 10 years ago, he and I didn’t hang out quite as often. I never was the type to put a friendship ahead of a relationship, especially when there was a lot of partying going on. I feel that my Bride has always appreciated this about me. But last night was different. A milestone birthday was to be celebrated.

I went alone to this epic rager of a birthday party. My Bride was wall-to-wall with her work schedule, had an emergency client late to deal with, and wasn’t due home until much later in the evening. She told me to go celebrate my buddy’s big birthday and hug him for her.

I went and things were already in full swing by the time I arrived. He was having a blast as you’d expect for a man of the world celebrating his 40th birthday. He had a girl on his arm, then another one a few minutes later. Drinks were flowing and I did my best to catch up.

Beerbongs when you turn 40? Why not? We set out to prove we could still do it like we did back in college. The first brought back memories. The second was easier to navigate. After the third one, I felt as though I might want to pace myself better.

He was having none of this.

“C’mon, Brother! Let’s do a 4th one for my fourth decade! Don’t leave me high and dry!”

How could I leave him high and dry? I mean, he certainly wasn’t dry. The high part, I could swear I smelled weed somewhere in this house party. But he’s my Bro. I took one for the team and slugged down numero quatro. Then I felt like I was a bit shaky. Damn, I should have eaten before I came over.

I told him I was going to run downstairs to the basement and check the score of the baseball game and take a short little break. I needed a few minutes away from the debauchery that was taking place upstairs. He was surrounded by a houseful of people who were all celebrating him and his birthday. He was all good.

I made my way downstairs without tipping over somehow and saw her sitting alone on the couch. Our eyes met and I knew she was thinking the same thing I was: A quiet place to get away from the madness. It was like a frat party upstairs, we both were looking for a sweet escape. I sat down next to her.

The four beer bong shots were starting to have their way with me. I wasn’t feeling too good at all. She put her leg over mine and again, our eyes locked. She was tan, lean, and had long legs. I was getting dizzy and I knew I didn’t want to make a mistake that I’d regret for the rest of my life.

I think you know where this is going. I was in a state of semi-consciousness and it was a blur what happened next. I felt her tongue and tried to fight her off, but with no success. She was all over me. I stopped fighting and just let it happen.

We ended up sleeping together. I woke up the next morning at 5 am with her laying across me. HOLY SHIT. This was NOT supposed to happen! What was I thinking? I WASN’T thinking! I had cheated and I was never going to hear the end of this if she found out what happened with this other girl.

I was so mad at myself. I slowly extricated myself from under her. I didn’t even know her name. I thought for a split second I might be able to get away and sneak out to my car without her noticing. But she stirred and then looked me in the eyes once again, her big, beautiful brown eyes giving me a look of sadness. She didn’t want me to leave her, but she knew I had to.

I touched her cheek and told her I was sorry, but I had to go. My girl was at home, waiting for me. I could only hope she’d be ok with my explanation of how this all went down. I’d spend the rest of my life making it up to her if she’d only understand and accept my moment of weakness.

I zoomed home and did my best to sneak upstairs without making any noise. It was getting light out now by this time, so it was impossible to sneak into bed without her being aware that I was just now getting home and sliding into bed. She cuddled up to me and then suddenly snapped out of her peaceful slumber.

She could TELL. She smelled her on me. There’s absolutely no way I was getting away with this. The look of betrayal told me all that I needed to know. We were over. She’d never forgive me for my cheating. I’ll never be able to erase the memory of that expression on her face. It will haunt me until my end.

If you’ve ever wondered what this looks like, check the pic down below. This look says it all. “We’re DONE. We are NEVER getting back together. We raised these kids together and you went and threw it all away for some new bitch. Well, go sleep on THAT bitch’s couch!”

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Yep, it was a done deal. Divorce was imminent. She’s officially 100% Mama’s Girl now. Daddy done let the deal go down with another bitch. It must have been love, but it’s over now.

So friends, be careful about petting random dogs that aren’t your own. If you choose to engage in this risky, shady behavior, be sure to wash your hands and change your clothes. Hell, keep a Hazmat suit in the trunk of your car. Something, so that you never receive the salty stare and scorn from your dog who feels betrayed by your cheating.

I have to go now. I’m in hiding from the process server that I’m certain Libby has hunting me down with divorce papers. Perhaps I’ll run over to Petco and try to find her some treats so that we can cross Betrayal Bridge back to Friendship Shore. Pray for me, I’ll need it.