I'm The Real H.O.

"Hello there Gorgeous!,"is probably what you're thinking right now. My name is Heidi Lynn Owens and today I am sharing my story with you: Overcoming adversity in the beta stages of social media dating. I was inspired by Vine, Instagram, Snapchat and Tinder.

Oh yes son, I'm an O.G. millennial, born in 1988. What did I do you might ask? I made a choice to put the "Eff" boys back in their place, the front row seat to the Heidi Lynn Show. This is one more social media outlet all my ex boyfriends stalk me on. If I dumped the guy, he was an "Eff" boy. Days, weeks, months and years go by. They never forget my rage, dark magical charm and the way I made them feel handsome. The pandemic happens and they realize how effing boring their girlfriends or wives really are.

I'll tell you what really happened. The "Eff" boys became overgrown and either a) still single, or b) married to a boring girl. Did you notice how I said boring and not prettier or uglier? Narcissism is so last year. Now, given the predicament the whole world faced, being stuck behind 4 walls with your lover for a year or more in some cases.....a person can't help but to reminence about a time I made them laugh and also extremely aroused.

I mean, what was there to entertain us all? Social media, paper, crayons and food? Pot? I'd say so. So here comes Ms. Heidi Lynn Owens diving straight into the metaverse via FB live. Holy crap. I never in a million years thought I'd be in the same room as 5 guys I once hooked up with.....until I went face book live. Guess who was watching? That's right. The "Eff" boys in their mom's basement and their moms, who were probably sitting upstairs wishing they had married a funny girl like me. It's sad to say, but the past "Eff" boys or their minions are the first to sign onto my lives before my best friends even. HA HA HA HA HA!

So where exactly did I put these "Eff" boys? Behind a screen, watching me light up the entire meta verse with all of my art, sit the bitter, bored and regretful guys who thought space would be strides. So many of them were narcissists, that they probably think this published article is about them. Well it is. Yes, my ass is still really nice. Have a great day!