I Don't Want to Online Date

For the first time in my life, I am not interested in dating. I don't enjoy it at the moment. Call me selfish but in the past I always expected my men to pick me up in a car and for me to have to do the bare minimum for anything. I expect them to pay, to try to win me over, and to drive for me. I expect them to dote all over me, open car doors, and having me by their side would be reward enough.

When I was in university, I didn't have a car and for that reason I would typically only date men who had a car and who could drive me places to get me off campus.

And although I have a car now, I still miss the days of men catering to me. I hate having to physically do any work for a relationship. I always drive for my friends and hate it.

I would much rather be picked up or be driven. I would rather have them pay for my shit then me having to do anything for it.

Anyways- I have resorted to bumble bff. That is more fun than a typical going out with a man because they don't expect shit for me. Sure I need to pay for my own shit but at the least I don't need to worry about them wanting to rip my pants off the whole night.

I hate American style of dating. They all just want to have sex with you and don't give a shit. Everyone on dating apps are literally disgusting. Everyone has gone through heartache and are broken and need to heal or have therapy but instead they throw themselves into a wild whirlwind of casual dating and sex when at the end of the day all of us just want to be loved and accepted for who we are.

I wish I could take the whole sex out of the equation, I'm over casual sex. It just is not enjoyable and I want to have a mental and physical attraction to the person that I am with. And building relationships take time but none of these men want to wait to put in the effort.

I wish that they would. I wouldn't mind caring for my man, paying for things, but I would just ask that at least I enjoy their company. But it's always a gamble with these first dates.

I hate telling them that I am not interested anymore either. I meet cool guys but just don't like them after 2-3 dates. I stop it because I always compare to how it was to past lovers I have had and none of them intrigue me enough. Given I really don't give them the time of day.

I just am not interested in anyone!

Maybe I still harvour feelings for my ex. Maybe I just hate dating apps and just want to meet someone in person. I give everyone a chance if I meet them in person typically.

How can I meet more people in person when my job is remote? God DAMN IT.

I don't even know if I'd want to be in a relationship with my ex. The agreement we had of checking in at the end of the year when their lease was up- like I'm over it?

There was a time where I cared or some may call felt co-dependent. But now I just don't?

I'm over these men with low-self esteem and don't know what they want.

I don't want to be the only person who reaches out lmao. You got me fucked up.

I just wish I would actually like the men back who pursue me. But everyone has flaws and I need to pick and chose my battles.