I do, I did.

A busy Saturday morning is normal during everyone's big day. The ladies gathered together, rushed off to get their hair and nails done for their friend's wedding in the afternoon. all of us ladies sat in salon chairs laughing and chatting up a storm as time passed by.

There we were, a group of 50+ year old ladies cackling like old hens as we watched each other transform into the queens. Some are somberly listening to the conversation while others, were the class clowns. Laughter rang through the salon as we sipped coffee and caught up with each other’s life.

I know that many women near my age would kill for a moment like this. However, this would be the day my friends would never let me forget.

I am usually one who sits back and listens, smiles, and converse quietly to the person next to me. I love to see my friends run amuck for many of them are so full of life and more so when we are together. The eldest in our “group” is Kathy. She and I… well… let’s say… we feed off of each other. She is so silly and she just brings that side out of me which is really hard to do.

After a second cup of coffee, it was time for a pedicure and manicure so off I went to the pedicure chair. Kathy was placed in the chair next me to and Sue was on the other side. The warm water on my feet felt wonderful. Swirling warmth around my toes brought a sigh to my soul. I sat in stillness for a moment while the other ladies situated themselves into their chairs.

Activity bustled and two ladies brought over supplies to color my nails. I had never had one lady working on a manicure while another completed the pedicure so I just surrendered to the attention. I shrugged and figured they just wanted to get us through the salon as quick as they could so they could continue on with their day’s appointment.

One, two, ten nails were painted a nice burgundy color that would match my dress. As I sat there, waiting for my nails to dry, I started feeling that familiar twinge. My bladder was alerting me that it was time to rid myself of all that coffee we consumed. Wet finger and toe nail polish held me captive. I couldn’t answer the call of the restroom at that time because I would ruin my nails.

There is nothing I hate more is those disposable flip flop sandals the salons use. Not to mention those spongy toe wedges threatening your ability to walk. You’re dammed if you don’t wear of them. So, you just take a deep breath and surrender to the torcher. Kathy however, started showing hers off. She loved the experience.

I am never surprised when Kathy winds up. This, silly lady looked at me and said, “What?”. I just thought every woman hated them and just put up with them. She looked around at the other ladies astonished and asked, “Am I the only one that likes them?”. Well, she asked them what their opinion was. She would shuffle from person to person getting their answers. Not gracefully either, mind you. I couldn’t stop laughing.

I made way to the restroom down the longest hall I had ever seen. With wet nails, I fumbled at the door knob and, (oh. Oh no.) I shuffled inside as fast as I could. On all days I would have to wear the capris that buttoned. I surrendered the nails and wrestled with the button and zipper. I thought, “I’m not gonna make it.” The second wiggle out of the waist and the dam burst. I’m old, I have had kids, and there is no stopping that flood that followed.

In horror, I stood there staring down at the mess. “What am I going to do?” repeated itself over and over again in my mind. “Clothes, I need clothes. Mop, I need to clean this up.”, I began to plan on getting out of this mess. Sue became worried because I had been gone too long and came to look for me. I jumped when her knock landed on the door. “Sheila, are you okay?”, never a sweeter sound as Sue’s voice on the other side.

I cracked open the door and said, “No. I just peed myself and the floor”. I need help. The shear exasperated expression I saw emerge on Sue’s face as those words sunk in was “priceless”. “Clothes. I need clothes. Take my car keys and get some shorts and undies from my suitcase.” With a nod, she sped off. Speedy Gonzales caught Kathy’s eye and of course became curious. When she saw Sue carrying clothes back into the salon, she followed her just like a puppy.

The secret was out, Kathy, trying to be helpful, caused a swirl of activity all around. Needless to say, with a white plastic bag tucked under my arm, I made my way out of the store. Nope, I do not know what kind of expressions the other customers had. My eyes were on the door and door only. If an older lady was walking by with a walker, I wouldn’t have even stopped maybe not even notice her. I just made a beeline for the car.

Lesson 1: Never drink coffee at the salon.

Lesson 2: Never drink too much liquid around Kathy.

Lesson 3: Never wear button pants to the salon.

Yes, I will never be able to go back to the salon ever again. The salon staff handled it gracefully. I felt mortified. They even had me pay for the services in private so the other guest didn't stare at me. I tipped them well and rushed out the door as mentioned above.