I Cheated Once — and I Still Regret It

I never thought I’d be the kind of person who would cheat.

I always believed that love was sacred, that trust was everything.

And yet, one night, I made a choice that changed the way I see myself forever.

Even after all these years, I still remember the sound of his voice, the smell of his shirt, the way he smiled at me like I was the only person in the room. It’s strange how something so wrong can feel so right in the moment — and so heavy afterward.

How It All Began

I was in a three-year relationship with someone who truly loved me. His name was Ryan.

He was kind, thoughtful, and patient — maybe too patient with me.

At that time, I was going through a lot: stress from work, self-doubt, and a constant feeling that my life was stuck in one place.

Ryan tried to help, but I felt misunderstood.

I wanted excitement, something new, something that made me feel alive again.

That’s when I met Ethan.

He was the opposite of Ryan — spontaneous, mysterious, a little reckless. He worked in the same building, and we often crossed paths in the elevator. At first, it was just small talk. Then, it became longer conversations, lingering smiles, and texts that turned into late-night chats.

I told myself it was harmless.

But deep down, I knew it wasn’t.

The Night Everything Changed

It happened at a coworker’s birthday party.

Everyone was drinking, laughing, and dancing.

Ryan couldn’t come that night — he was out of town visiting his family.

Ethan and I ended up sitting outside, away from the noise. We talked for hours — about dreams, regrets, and everything in between. I felt seen again, in a way I hadn’t for a long time.

When he leaned in to kiss me, I didn’t pull away.

It was a soft kiss, full of tension and guilt.

And then another.

I remember my heart racing, my mind screaming stop, but my body froze.

After a few minutes, I finally stepped back.

I whispered, “I have a boyfriend.”

He just nodded, said, “I know,” and walked away.

That was it — one brief moment, one mistake, but it left a scar that still burns inside me.

The Morning After

The next day, I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror.

My stomach turned every time I thought about what I’d done.

Ryan came back from his trip and hugged me like nothing was wrong.

He brought me a little souvenir — a keychain shaped like a heart.

I almost broke down right there.

For weeks, I carried that secret like a stone in my chest.

I stopped smiling as much, avoided eye contact, and started overthinking everything.

He noticed, of course.

“Are you okay?” he asked one night.

I lied and said, “I’m just tired.”

But I wasn’t tired — I was drowning.

The Confession

It took me three months to tell him.

Three months of guilt, of pretending, of silently punishing myself.

When I finally told Ryan the truth, he didn’t say anything at first.

He just looked at me — a long, quiet stare that said everything words couldn’t.

Then he asked, “Why?”

I didn’t have an answer that made sense.

I said I was lonely, confused, and desperate for attention.

I said it was a mistake.

But mistakes don’t erase pain.

He didn’t yell. He didn’t insult me.

He just stood up and said, “I need time.”

And then he left.

That silence was worse than any fight we could have had.

What I Learned

Ryan and I broke up a few weeks later.

He said he forgave me, but he couldn’t forget.

I didn’t blame him.

That experience changed how I see relationships — and myself.

I realized cheating isn’t just about kissing someone else.

It’s about breaking the promise you made to be honest, even when things get hard.

I used to think cheating was something “bad people” did.

But it’s not that simple.

It’s something hurt people sometimes do — when they’re lost, scared, or looking for something they can’t find within themselves.

Still, that doesn’t make it okay.

It’s been years, and I still carry that guilt.

Sometimes, when I hear a song that reminds me of that night, I feel my stomach twist again.

Not because I miss Ethan — I don’t.

But because I miss the version of myself who hadn’t yet made that mistake.

The Aftermath

Ryan moved on.

He’s married now, and I truly hope he’s happy.

I’ve dated since then, but I always tell the truth about my past.

If someone asks me, “Have you ever cheated?”

I say yes.

It’s not something I’m proud of, but it’s something that shaped me.

I’ve learned to communicate better, to ask for help when I feel disconnected, and to never let boredom or pain turn into betrayal.

I also learned that forgiveness isn’t just something you ask from others — it’s something you eventually have to give yourself.

I don’t know if I’ll ever fully forgive myself, but I’m trying.

Every day that I choose honesty over comfort, I take one small step closer.

My Message to You

If you’re reading this and you’ve made a mistake like I did — please know this:

You’re not evil, but you do have to own it.

You can’t change the past, but you can decide who you’ll be next time.

Love deserves honesty.

And so do you.