I am Friends with a Barn Owl

I am friends with a barn owl.

As I sit outside on the balcony, I recall the events that led to this unusual companionship.

6 years ago

I looked at myself in the mirror, confident that I can see a bump. ‘It’s too soon’, my husband laughed, ‘you are just jealous because you can’t carry the baby’, was my laugh. Hours later when he had gone to the office, I felt a slight cramp followed by bleeding. I was rushed to the hospital, ‘there is no heartbeat, the Fetus has stopped developing’, I heard these words as if they were spoken thousands of miles away. Apparently, miscarriages were very common as 1 in 4 women went through it, so it was suggested I don’t make a fuss about it. I was told I was okay to go home as I was seemingly in good health, with ‘minor’ bleeding and cramps.

My family and my body grieved for a few days, but eventually got better, my mind was a different story, it wasn’t ready to heal. It was in one of those sleepless nights, that I had been having a lot recently when I first saw it. Hours after everyone had gone to sleep and after losing the battle with sleep, I gave up and made myself a cup of coffee to sit and drink in the balcony. It was a stormy night with dark clouds and pelting rain hiding any signs of approaching dawn. I closed my eyes praying for some peace when I heard a soft hooting of a bird nearby. I opened my eyes and noticed a magnificent owl sitting on the edge of the balcony. Its huge eyes bore into mine as if prying into my soul and it gave a huge cry as if it shared my pain. That was the first night when I let myself cry out loud. A lady with a brave demeanour who had never cried in front of anyone was sobbing in front of an owl. The glorious owl just sat there till all the tears had come out. I felt comforted in a way I had never been comforted before. That was the first night I slept like a log in ages.

5 years ago

I was pregnant again and as excited as I could be, why wouldn’t I be? After all, we humans are known for our forgetfulness, both a blessing and a curse. The previous experiences of miscarriage, the balcony, and finding an unusual companion in the middle of the night long buried in a deep corner of subconsciousness. But what they say about subconsciousness is true; it takes ages for memories to get buried in the deepest corner of the brain, but only moments for them to come flashing back. So, it wasn’t a surprise that this time, the realization came before any cramping or bleeding. The formalities of going to the doctor were done, and I was denied motherhood once again.

Somehow it was easier for everyone around me this time, as no one had set their expectation high. I was again left to dwell in my sorrow alone. It was like déjà vu, except it wasn’t just a feeling that everything had happened before, everything had happened before. But there was one part missing from the story, one thing that needed to be done for me to find my inner peace. That night, I went out on the balcony as soon as everyone had gone to sleep and waited. I would have laughed if I was in my senses; ‘waiting for an owl’. It felt like an eternity when I felt something flying towards me, the magnificent owl came and sat on the same spot, it had sat almost a year ago and it was exactly at that moment that I let myself go.

4 years ago

It was almost midnight when I was coming back from somewhere, I noticed something on the rafter of our barn. An owl roosted near the eggs in her nest. The magnificent owl looked me deep in the eye as it had done years ago as if prying into my soul again. This time, the owl cooed a happy coo, the kind of coo that makes everyone happy around them and I felt strange contentment inside me. Sleep came to me easily that night as if preparing me for many sleepless nights that were yet to come.

Present Day

I am friends with a barn owl. It is a secret that no one is allowed to know. I see my friend when everyone has gone to sleep. Sometimes I just sneak outside from the balcony to see if it is safe and sound, yet some nights we sit with each other like confidants all night long. How ironic, in a world full of humans, I found a friend in an owl.

Tonight, I am sitting outside on the balcony, where I sat 6 years ago on a stormy night. The weather is very calm, and the twilight is hinting towards very serene dusk. I see the owl coming back with the new set of owlets after hunting. In many cultures, owls are considered a bad omen, but in my life, the barn owl in all its magnificence was the bearer of my peace and tranquillity. I come inside and kiss the forehead of my sleeping 3-year-old son and adjust his blankets and his ‘Owl Comforter’ in his hand. He can’t sleep without his comforter and when everything fails to soothe him, holding this comforter soothes him as if he's being soothed by an old friend.