I am as chalant as it gets

Oh, act like you don't care! Don't show emotions or else you will be deemed uncool, don't smile too loud, be silent about your victories, don't be so passionate about the things you love, don't text first, don't reach out first, play hard to get- oh, and the list goes on. The new trend of being the mysterious black cat is the propaganda I am not falling for, don't get me wrong, it is not something I am against or hold my grudge against. I truly believe if you are authentically like that, there is nothing wrong with being that way, but for all the ones who actually are yappers and the ones who fill the room with love and light, this trend just invalidates their existence.

Social media is, for one, an amazing influence and the toxic friend that gets us to drink and drive and then cause a road accident. It is how we choose to see it, how much we let the external voices displaying their lifestyles on the gram and fixating on the perfectionism of their life, like the everyday outfits they wear, encompass us into thinking that is the only way to live life. For one who does not like to follow the clean girl aesthetic, wake up, go to the gym, eat your vitamins and be a super productive and hyperactive girlie. Or at least one tries to and miserably fails. I know I did, because it is not humanely possible. To hold your shit togehter for 24 hours every day, every week.

There are days where I hold my productivity, grinding mind all intact while balancing maturity, balance, socialisation and confidence all together. But these days are like finding the safety pin to secure life in a box full of hay even while the sun shines. They are rare to come by and the truth is most of us have more off days than we have days filled with hope and sunshine. It cannot rain unicorns and rainbows all the time. Digitalisation of the commonality of our mundane routines has forged us into being this predefined stance of perfect, nonchalant, unreacitve, hustling and mysterious mortal creations who cannot be weak. Invincibilty is a myth that can only be true if we had the secrets of the heavens and the prowess of immortality.

But we dont, dont we? I too tried all these trends, like being mysterious, not smile too much, not talk to much , stay silent about my next move, not share my wins, not being joyful about the things that make me happy, not text first and ghost people right left center. But lets be real- I failed and I happily failed. Truth be told- if I would have been like that- the person who doesnot care, the person who doesnot ask the other person if you are okay or not if I know you seem down or ask you how you were, I would have been fine. Which I was definitely not- because I smile at people who gallantly smile at me, I check upon people, I donot like to play mind games of who is in control of the ballgame of our conversation and I cannot definitely help but be vocal about the things that bring me joy and that I am super proud of.

I am not an oversharer but I am also definitely not the mysterious girl. I am as chalant as someone can get, I want to care about the things that make me passionate, I want to dance with fire when something sets my soul ablaze with joy, I want people to reciprocate the same energy I bring to the table and if they dont, I know they dont deserve a seat in my life. I want to ride the wind and I want to cry too- when things get heavy.

Because if everyone would start to not care about the ones around them, how sad and dooming would the world be! And no I dont have dreams of changing the world or summoning other people of being like how I am. I just know that I am the light because that is who I authentically am and I embrace it with every ounce of my heart and the deepest brevity of my soul. I dont need others to validate my existence or give me the recognition of being the master of their nonchalant games.

Often overoladed with informational paradoxes, we often tend to forget who we truly are. And sometimes people, places, situations, traumatic memories and trends make us forget it too. So here I am questioning the norms that were placed and owning who I am- a deep, complex, loving, chalant, passionate, opinionated, caring and aware being who falls in love with fictional characters and cries when something bad happens to her dear imaginative soul of the yarn she lives in.

I hope this post reminds you to be who you truly are- not who you are deemed to be or not who you think you should be influenced by the outside noise.

Boisterous, exquisite, refined and full of light that dives deep into poetry

For I am passionate and fierce, and as chalant as one gets to be.

I hope you let yourself be whoever you are at your core,

To dance at the rhythm of your own music, to let your dreams rise and soar

-Hridya Sharma