Here to year 2022

The year is almost over and I am so excited to start a new year... I love new beginnings...

Weirdly enough I had the anticipation of change but once it hits me I thrive. Now, I am not sure if that takes time but one day I hope to lean into the change. I think I am 1/4 of a way there but it still makes me a little uncomfy when I think about it. I lose sleep... it is hard for me to eat and truly I can't think of anything else. It eats me up inside and all my emotions build up until I write in my journal or I make a nostalgic video about it. Which honestly is not a bad thing.

I have learned that sitting with my feelings is better than running from them...

I used to distract myself when I was sad or overwhelmed. This did not make me feel any better... I was just avoiding my feelings. The more and more I sat and felt how I was feeling, the better I felt. You have to deal with the things you are going through eventually because it will make your stronger. I used to feel so scared and unsure what could happen next but now I know it is only good on your way back up.

I have learned that no matter how far I run I will always be this person...

I cannot run from my problems. I have to meet them head on and planning trip after trip to avoid my responsibilities is not the best way to go about life.

I have learned that friends come and go but my chosen family is here to stay...

I have lost a lot of friends this year and in the past few. Is this what 20s are about? Does this happen to everyone? I feel like my circle gets smaller and smaller. I am not sure if that is a good or bad thing but it seems to be working out. I feel like it helps me grow up and become the person I am supposed to be. You have to surround yourself with people who you want to be more like. Role models if you must. Now you can have those fun friends that you hang out with once in while but not all the time.

I have learned not to worry about everyone else so much and I have to learned to take care of myself again...

I think this is the older sibling in me but I used to worry about everyone else and made sure they were okay without checking in with myself. Now I have gotten better but I am definitely still working on it. But this is definitely something that I would do to avoid my own shit. I actively am starting to notice it but am still working on skills to grow with it.

I have learned that those who want to stay in your life will if they really want to...

Some people don't care if they lose you but others will fight to keep you in your life. The ones that put effort in to keep you around are the ones that will truly be there forever. I could not be more grateful for the people in my life that make me feel so loved.

I have learned that you have to move away from where you grew up for at least a little but to grow as a person...

If you continuously live in the same place forever... how do you expect to experience new things and grow as a person. When you are young you have to move away from your parents and start a new life. Try new things, make new friends, try a million and one jobs because that is what life is about. Some will say they are satisfied with the "simply life" s/o paris hilton but I don't think this helps anyone. You have to move out of your comfort zone to truly be the best version of yourself. I think the more someone does this and the more they move out of their comfort zone for sometime... are the people that find true happiness and bring so much love into this world.

I have learned that no one is concerned about you as much as you are because everyone has their own sh*t going on...

Last things I will touch on is insecurities... man they are a B*tch... these are things that keep us up and tear us apart. These are the things we project onto others even when we don't even realize it. Now I am not a perfect human. I still do this but I have gotten better. I am more conscience about what comes out of my mouth. You have to 'read the room' and just be more kind to the people around you. Think about some of the darkest stuff you have been through and think about how that would make someone feel right next to you. If that makes sense... Just be kind... Love yourself...

Be yourself.... eff the people that are judging you because most likely they are more unhappy than they show. Do whatever you want... as if no one was watching... BECAUSE LIFE IS LONG BUT COULD BE SHORTENED IN A SPLIT SECOND...

MAKE ART NOT WAR AND GIVE LOVE... there is no room for hate!!!!

so hears to a great 2023...

XOXO