Have You Ever Experienced Depression?

Depression! Who cares to hear about depression? I work with it every week in a group I facilitate. One person described the worst depression being when we go numb and feel nothing! We could care less about living or anything going on around us.

When my dad died on my tenth birthday, I went into a depression of sorts. I was in the fourth grade then and going to Catholic school. My fourth-grade teacher, a nun, saved me. She talked of her relationship with Jesus. She gave me small gifts of bookmarks with saints on them. She told me that my dad went to heaven, and she talked about that.

After the fourth grade, we moved to the most racist place I have ever lived, it wasn’t an easy place to be and so my depression worsened.

I found ways to medicate those feelings. Lots of ways. Not healthy ways. I like to talk about healthy ways now to medicate those feelings. Some people are on medication, prescribed by the doctor or psychiatrist. My experience was the ones I tried didn’t work for me. A medicine man gave me a tea that helped me. I used it once and when I was finished with it so was the depression.

When I can, I try to tell people that everyone experiences some depression, and right now it is lots of people. With the pandemic, the war going on with Russia, and less sunshine here in our state, many people are over the top. (O.T.T)

This is to say that no one here is alone and what they are experiencing is difficult for them and many others. The difference, I tell them is that they are getting help. Most people do not want to admit they could benefit from help. One person said that she came in sooner than last time. She said it didn't have to get as bad.

That is so important when we can learn from last time. Or learn from someone else's experience. I have no trouble talking about what I went through as a young girl and young woman.

The photo above reminds me of how people would always tell me just how pretty I would be if I would smile. I never smiled. When I got into recovery at age twenty-four, my face and sides would hurt because now I was smiling and laughing. Those muscles were not used to being used.

The other part is wearing mascara that would run when crying as I would try to hide my tears and rub my eyes, making it worse. I didn’t wear makeup before recovery so I wasn’t familiar with what it could look like when rubbing your eyes. I didn't cry much either until I got into recovery and knew that was our first medicine as we cry when we are born and laugh between three to five months.

So, laughter is my daily go-to medicine and tears are less often. I do not stop them if they are coming, and I am so glad that has changed. And crying with others is the most healing tear.

I teach people how to smile with smile-ups. Fake smiles that you can do in your bathroom mirror in the morning by yourself. Ten of them is a good place to start. Then I teach laughter breaths. Breath in and say haha haha hahaha or hee hee hee hee hee hee, or hohoho hohohoho on the exhale. Do this even when you don't feel like it. Do it without an audience. You will have a better day.

Our brain doesn't know the difference with this fake stuff! We release our own body's feel-good chemicals when we do this. One woman said, she cannot do the smile-ups anymore as they make her laugh. Better yet!!

I will end this with how I try to eat healthy, walk on the treadmill and use my SAD lamp in the winter and make sure I am taking the right amount of vitamin D and B12. And certain friends would say, attend recovery meetings, and check-in with friends and family with a visit or phone call.