Fuck It

We should be able to share life's disparities with people we are close to without having to cover ourselves up in a blanket of toxic positivity. I am not always fine. I am not always feeling well. My skin gets ashy as fuck sometimes. Sometimes people don't tell me when I have a booger in my nose, and I walk around all day looking disgusting. I am not always happy, but that doesn't mean that I am sad. I can have inside joy, but my face resembles a resting bitch face. Please, stop harassing me with the "are you alright" questions, and on the flip side, if I express my struggle and pain, don't just tell me "it'll be alright." It's quite ridiculous. I hate having to be anything other than me.

I am working on my conflict resolution skills and my emotional intelligence, but god damn it, I am emotionally intelligent enough to know that faking happiness doesn't create anything real. To be frank, all faking happiness does is make the other person comfortable. Well, excuse the fuck out of me. I am so fucking sorry that I can't always be in a good enough mood to make you feel better about conversing with me. It's true, no one wants to entertain a negative Nancy, but you know what? Sometimes life brings the Nancy out of me, and I just deal with it. People are entitled to walk the fuck away and not deal with other people's problems.

If you are lucky or blessed or both, don't take for granted that person in your life who will hear your bullshit and offer to go scream in a forest with you until you tire yourself out. Hi, I am that person. I am that way with people I care about because, well, that's what I need and want out of a friendship and pretty much any human interaction. I am an open book. I hate correcting grammatical errors, but I love to write. I mean, seriously, if the word is spelled correctly and you get what I am trying to say, then who the fuck cares about the comma and the exclamation point?

I realize I may have ruffled some feathers with that one, and I've done my best to be grammatically correct in this word vomit of a confession, but my heart aches. It aches almost as bad as my stomach when I've eaten too much spicy shit. Using swear words makes me feel so good and relaxed—I am almost ashamed to admit it. If you were to get anything valuable out of reading this, just promise me you won't continue trying to be perfect. Quit trying to make everyone comfortable. Quit saying yes to everyone. Quit negotiating boundaries, quit apologizing for fucking breathing, quit being a quitter.

Figure out what makes you happy and do that shit until you die. Life is super simple. This species makes shit super complicated. Earth is ghetto as fuck, but it's where we all stay. We are all in the ghetto. We are all trying to make it out of the ghetto. I say embrace all your circumstances, rally your allies, and love so hard until you're out of love—and at that point, you've made it out of the ghetto. Good luck, and they say luck is for the unprepared; that's why I offer it. I am not sure any one of us was prepared for this. You'll get it eventually.