From Afar

I watch as you walk away from me.

After all these years you still picked them.

I loved you in my own silence.

Trying to fight the feelings.

Watching you get hurt over and over again.

I was there. I was HERE.

But you couldn't see me.

I was your crutch.

The rain comes down heavier now.

You've disappeared into it.

I let the rain soak me.

The memories hitting my mind like a title wave.

Our days in school.

The days I started to love you more.

The days I wanted to be more.

The days I wished you look at me.

The way you look at them.

But you never did.

I loved you in my own silence.

I kissed you in the wind.

I feared your rejection.

I see you in my dreams.

Dreams have no end.

I loved you from afar.

For too long.

It was always you.

I put you first.

Before myself.

Before anyone.

It was always you.

But I can't have you.

I never had you.

You were never mine.

I could never keep you.

I could never make you stay.

But I would every time you asked.

You never saw me.

Not the way I wanted you to.

You broke me and you couldn't see it.

I put the smile on your face.

You put the frown on mine.

But you kept me close.

Never seeing the hurt you caused.

I was on your back burner.

You were my favorite person.

I never crossed your mind.

I saved you from your loneliness.

You kept me in the dark.

I put you in the spotlight.

I loved you in my loneliness.

You never loved me back.

Not in the way I want you to.

You said the words.

I always meant them.

You hurt me.

I kept running back to you.

The rain never stops.

I sink down to the ground.

It's cold now.

I can't move.

I bring my knees to my chest.

No tears fall.

I can't be there anymore.

Years.

Years, of me wanting you.

Loving you.

Needing you.

Running to you.

Years. Years. YEARS!

I finally scream.

Letting out everything.

Everything you've ever done to me.

I'm not your crutch.

I'm not your backbone.

I'm not your back burner.

I'm not in the back of your mind.

It breaks my heart.

All these years.

I loved you from afar.

You never choose me.

It was never me.

But yet it was always me.

I was the one you dreamed of.

Yet I wasn't.

I was the one you wanted.

Yet I wasn't.

I was the one you loved.

Yet I wasn't.

I was the one you needed.

Yet I wasn't.

I loved you from afar.

I dried your tears.

I protected your heart.

I stood up for you.

I came to your rescue.

I was the one for you.

But you, you, you........

You never cared.

I see it now.

I stand up.

I scream.

Scream.

Scream!

This time I'm out of your life.

This time I won't be there.

This time I won't come running.

oThis time I won't rescue you.

This time you can't need me.

This time I won't love you.

Near or far.

I won't love you.

I won't protect you.

I won't dry your tears.

I won't stand up for you.

You never needed me.

You never wanted me.

You never cared for me.

You never loved me....

You didn't choose me.

The rain slowly stops.

You're gone.

Off with them.

I turn to walk away.

To start anew.

To love anew.

To start......

........Without You.