"Finding Balance"

"Finding Balance", is just like this photo you see above. Mostly for me, its like I'm handling life circumstances as they come and go. And they do come and go whether fast or slow. Kind of like how the wind of life that tries to knock you off your balance. Yet, here I am. Staying strong and in my most urban way of saying it "Thuggin It Out". Life has taught me a lot about standing on my own two feet; just being the real, honest, authentic, version of a Christian I can be.

Now, I don't want to harp on my mental health so much or give it credit. Sometimes it feels like it can be a heavy burden, but its apart of me and I'm managing just how crazy my life can be at times. Finding balance in a world where things happen every day, good, bad, and crazy, I have chosen the way of peace and growth through the times I feel the most challenge. Most of the time when I've felt the most uneasiest, I see that my purpose is calling me to do something in that moment, besides rest or sleeping. I figured rest would be the relief I needed and it is vital I get the right amount of rest. However, sometimes I see the late nights staying up calls me to rest, but to do something that helps benefit me while resting, if that makes sense.

Currently, I'm writing while sitting on the floor, with pillows, blankets, a life sized teddy bear leaning on my right arm like its alive..... kinda cute and awkward, but ok. (its smiling so I'll take that as a good sign lol) and listening to Hip-Hop/R&B, while sipping my water bottle with an aroma therapy machine on blowing beautiful smoke with a sweet fragrance.

Talk about maxing out your chill time.

I'm learning to find different ways of expressing myself while doing something meaningful with my time and being present. To add to this fungsue, this place I'm in is actually a chill-room or prayer closet. Its a place I can go to let loose and get the healing I need. Anybody can make one. Doesn't matter the place.

While I learned how to take care of my mental health, I've gained more of a spiritual awareness when things aren't as what they are suppose to be. I'm more now in a relaxed state and not worry about the stresses of life. This is easier said then done. I've had multiple occurrences where I felt like I was forced to relax. If you ever felt like you were a motor in a car that never cut off, that's how I felt. My mind was in go mode. With my mental illness I ignored my mental health for years, because I wanted to complete my education in school. Little did I know I was loosing my peace of mind. Now I'm regaining and gaining somethings along the way. New and beautiful things.

Through this journey, I've learned to just chill and be in the moment of how I feel and not rush into the things, for the sake of getting a degree. Getting education isn't a bad thing, but sometimes, the way I've seen it, life has got my attention on the things that are most important to focus on, besides the world standards of achieving success. Overall I felt like God was telling me "Chill young buck."

After that I've been humbled and learned to take His advice on how I should handle life as it comes.

And I'll take that as I go..... :)