FEBRUARY 10

FEBRUARY 10-AT 18

My life has been like a million-voice speaking for a million times, unwavering, fluctuating between torn & berries, between light & darkness. Ruled by the passion for center-control of power, ruled by the imposition of Sacred Orders and threatened by X, but sought for by the creator who in every want of man has something to say, yes, no, or wait.

The sermons I heard, nowhere deep down me, advice from friends, nowhere deep down me, what my life portrays, nowhere deep down me.

I had come to discover the fall of the mighty, if caution is not taken on time, comes in gradual revolve of events and foresight of the future. I had it all did bad me today and put me in an unforgiving spirit never to forgive myself. Even today's unique event can't appease me for that because nothing good came out of today's life story.

The gate closed on me & I was chased back again to remorsefully soar my deeds which I found ways to stick out of the memory and man-created brain. That deed that left me to procrastinate unduly and made me late to school, I had handled preciously and cautiously while surfing for my best personalities on the net and what I could grab for a watch on YouTube.

I returned to seek entrance but all the same, threatened back home to return the morrow. On returning to school a great disappointment fell on me. It made me emotional and left me thinking about the fallen pride of a personality. It sought me amid raging thoughts and implacable moments nature gave out audaciously. It sought for a place to reconcile my excuses...The cross-edges of life streamed like a ripple in a still water and blackened white.

My greatest fear at present is the fall of a mighty, disgrace of the graced, disregard for thy good, and fear of being found unworthy of the stundent's award of an exemplary life. Another great fear is the fear of uncertainty- of what life will present soon.

I composed a poem in favor of my deeds not to promote it but to reject it for my frustrated life which my 18th birthday ushered me to in early adulthood.

The poem reads:

DEED (A Poem)

If you convict me

I will not stay

Will never, will never, will never

If I fly away from thee

Will you come hunting me

Looking into my eyes?

I'd lie to thee

Who'd expect that I'd befriend you?

I could do you

In millions of years to come, I'll

Doubt if ever I did you

Term it blur fantasies

Tis, I know, I'd leave

For my God.

It was on my 18th birthday - When I thought all could be better. February 10 was a day that messed up my plans of being a changed person. It went on like this: Early morning rise, I remembered I was born today. A birthday song was sung from the hostel opposite mine. That reminded me of today's event. I did engage in all the activities of the morning with pure devotion and rapt attention. I listened to the sermon today with a heart of a repented sinner for my day, I foresaw was going to be a memorial.

However, today's outing made my day unpleasant. Why? I tried not to watch XXX but I found myself doing it. I had my hair cut late and that made me not return on time back to school. My proposed little birthday party to be held in school didn't happen. I was disappointed

I am not happy with myself. I am sure it happened that way because of my negligence and procrastinate attitude.