Fear and its reality

For years, people kept poking at me, speculating about my sexuality, and cracking cruel jokes. So, when I finally admitted I was engaged to another guy, it felt like I’d thrown a match into a gasoline-soaked room. The laughter faded fast, and fear stepped in, driving a wedge between me and my family. Suddenly, my private life was up for grabs, and I faced homophobia like I’d never experienced before, even from folks who’d promised they’d be cool with it.

You see, fear can twist a person’s heart. At first, I thought my adoptive parents were okay with me being gay. But when I brought my fiancé home, their true colors started to show. They introduced him as a “friend of the family” instead of my boyfriend. I can’t recall ever hearing my sister's husband called that. He was always just “my sister’s boyfriend.”

I can only guess why they acted that way—maybe they were scared of losing the gardener when he found out they had two gay men in the family. Perhaps they worried about rumors spreading and damaging their precious social standing. Whatever the reason, it doesn’t make it right. And it wasn’t just a one-off thing.

I still remember the day my adoptive dad pulled me aside and asked me to promise not to introduce my fiancé to my grandma—his mom. He was worried because my cousin is gay and she’d lashed out at him hard. My dad feared she’d do the same to me, or worse, disinherit him and my adoptive mom. Looking back, promising him was one of my biggest mistakes.

I used to have a good relationship with my grandma, but after that, everything fell apart. She kept asking about my relationship, and every part of me wanted to be honest, but I had to stay quiet. To dodge those awkward questions, I started only visiting her when my adoptive parents were around, so they could answer for me. Eventually, I just stopped seeing her altogether. That fear of backlash had killed a good bond between us, and in the end, I didn’t inherit anything when she passed. Not that I cared about that stuff, anyway.

But those moments had a ripple effect. From that day on, my fiancé and I started fighting—those arguments just kept coming, even after we broke up a few years later. Honestly, introducing him to my family was a huge mistake. After promising to keep him hidden from my grandma, I decided to stop introducing him to anyone as my fiancé, just in case she found out. Fast forward three to four years, and I felt cornered into coming out to others. By then, I figured, why not just come out completely? The good relationship I once had with my grandma was long gone, and I was just plain tired of hiding.

But it didn’t help my relationship. Coming out led to more fights, and eventually, it pushed us apart. My adoptive family wasn’t the only one lacking support; my biological family was just as bad. Every day, I faced homophobic comments from my stepdad, and my little brother even tried to blackmail me over it. (Shoutout to my other little brother who had my back and stood up for me—thankfully, not all of them were like that.)

My family was wrapped up in their own fears and totally forgot about the daily onslaught of threats and insults I was dealing with. My emails were filled with death threats, and my social media posts attracted nasty comments, too. To top it all off, I even had to deal with a police investigation for sexual harassment, which later turned into sexual insults before the prosecutor shut that nonsense down.

I never got physically attacked, so I guess I can consider myself lucky. Isn’t that wild? Because of other people's fears, my life turned into a constant state of anxiety. That fear is still lurking inside me, making me hide my relationships. Only a handful of people know the truth, and honestly, I doubt that’ll change anytime soon. I’ve heard the phrase “It gets better” a million times, and I’ve even said it myself, but can we really count on that? When will the attacks stop? When will the threats finally fade away? Will we ever be accepted and allowed to love freely, like straight couples?

The only way things will get better is if people start letting go of their fear. If we can wipe out discrimination and homophobia from people’s minds for good. One day, hopefully!

* * *

* * *

Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed this content, don’t forget to subscribe to my channel for more. Your support—whether through tips, pledges, or simply hitting that subscribe button—directly fuels my growth and helps bring exciting new projects to life. Join me on this journey and be part of something special!